KTB

Here we go again. The last set of pix to post from the recent debacle in Amsterdam.

Friday night in Amsterdam, we found ourselves heavily sauced and coffee'd up. Blurry blurry shit. If it wasn't for these pix, damn, I would not remember any of this.

The infamous Teaser's Bar in central Amsterdam. We watched a dude die here. Well, almost die. He wasn't moving and his skin had turned an ashy shade of gray. I have no idea what brought this on either. Some people said they saw the guy get choked. Others said he just fell off his chair and bam. In any event, it was a sick scene as a few cops showed up to clear the mess and almost got their asses kicked. One drunk reveller dumped his entire beer out on one of the cops. NYPD they were not. Two fucking cops. What is that? If this was NYC and some fuck dumped a beer on a cop, there would be 150 cappers on his ass asap. Anyone remember Amadou Diallo? Shit, that was over a wallet. Imagine if a cop was actually assaulted.... The Dutch police are weak. Bottom line.

Not really sure what's going on in this pic. It ain't pretty, that I'm sure of.

Only a mother.......

At this point of the day/night/time-has-no-meaning we found ourselves looking for some club called Escape. We tried walking there. So what do you do when you have a long walk ahead of you? You load up on booze. Every country has their own version of the infamous bodega.

Beeeeeeeeeer. Good canned beeeeeeer.

It's amazing this monkey wasn't arrested. Then again, we were in Amsterdam where you could dump your beer on a cop and have nothing happen to you...
Weeeee weeeeeeee weeeeee. Look at the little weewee.

MORE PIX. CLICK LINK BELOW.

Can you say drunk Russians?

Can you say three drunk Russians?

Yuck. Drunk ass russkies.

Don't fuck with Jizzy. Or this will happen.

HEHEHEHEHEHEH. Poor Rob.

No idea what we're doing or where we're going here. Drawing a total blank. Even with the aid of the pix.

Boris may have just clashed with the lamp post. I'm assuming he lost.

Rowdy Americans seen fighting in Amsterdam. This is why we're hated. Everywhere.

Round 1. Borka vs. Gavin.

Why is it that Boris is always involved in every altercation? He also happened to challenge a handful of drug dealers to a fight on this night too. He got in this Arab dude's face and was like "whassup! whassup!" The situation was a ripe one for a stabbing or even worse - a shooting. I wish we had brought a leash with us.

Gav is about to apply his famous tubby-arse move.

Asked how the pavement tasted, Boris later replied "f u asshole."

Moments later, face all swollen, the little guy had to be walked away.

Here stands the victor. Of what I don't know though.

The little guy wants more.

Lucky for him Gav's a nice guy and doesn't feel like performing anymore piledrivers.

The beasts make up and that pretty much sums up our nite.

Other details that pop into my head are Borka dumping an entire beer on my head while we were on the street. I took it. I took it like a man. But a few moments after, when we were walking by an outdoor cafe with burning candles on the tables, Borka found an entire candle, wax and all, dumped on his head. Oh how sweet revenge can be.

Nothing wrong with a little man love.

Unless you're these two guys.

Or this fish.

And that's it. Those are all my pix. I wish I took more but I was in no mental state to be snapping pix. It's hard to work a camera with a Heini in one hand and a blunt in the other. I miss Amsterdam. Despite me being sick all this week and despite my brain operating at 15% capacity, yeah, I fucking miss Amsterdam.

When we going back guys? Soon I hope....

There's more pix to post; more degeneracy to share. Shall we?

Ahem. Ahem. We were just browsing here.

Read on to the next pix for an explanation.

Ok, so how do I explain what's going on here? Let's see. We were all drunk. Walking somewhere in Amsterdam during the day and enjoying the buzz along with the fine weather. Due to the heavy ingestion of Heineken, we needed to make multiple rest stops at various bars for more booze and quickie bathroom breaks. In the past 2 photos, what you see is a bathroom break but not at a bar. This was taken at a McDonald's in Amsterdam. Most of us had to go pee. One of us (Boris) had to do a #2.

Being the good friend that I am, I tried to snap a few pix while he was on the bowl. He wanted no part of it. You can't blame him there. But that's not what's funny about these pix. What's funny is what Boris said to me as I was walking out of the toilet. He said "Dude, give me a little bit. I'm gonna nap for a bit." Huh? I thought. He wasn't kidding. There he was - sitting on the shitter in a toilet in McDonald's in the heart of Amsterdam - all ready to close his eyes and nap for a while. God Bless him.

An hour later, when we checked back at the McD's restroom, he was no longer there.

At the Heineken Brewery.

Heineken Brewery.

More of the same.

Check out the cutie next to the guy with the weird had.

More pix. Click below to see.

Not sober here.

Not sober here.

Not sober here either.

Pretty beer. Pretty bottles of beer.

Well what do you know here. Rob gets recognized in Amsterdam. He really is a boner fide celebrity.

Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm. Fresh ass muthafucking Heineken. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

We took a tram back from the brewery. No problems that I can recall now. Hell, if it wasn't for these pix, I wouldn't even remember the tram ride.

On the tram. Not sober here.

More of the same.

Hallelujah. We hit paydirt at the Grass Hopper Coffee Shop. My favorite coffee house in the Dam. I loved it more than the others for one sole reason - besides having excellent "coffee", they also served fresh beer. Most of the other coffee shops we hit were coffee only. This place ruled.

Puff puff give yo.

Nepal's finest right there at you.

Puff puff blurp fishyy give.

Check out the caption on the newspaper in the background. Something we'd know nothing about eh.

My friend Mr. Poo wanted to buy a penis. So he did. Right here.

There is one more post of pix coming soon. It'll be good.

Yes, this is a temporary yet early detour from our recent retirement. In fact, it's hard to convince yourself to retire when you just spent the past 72 hours in Amsterdam with a dozen of your whitest black friends. Or at least 11 of your normal friends and your one whitest black friend. You know who you are Mr. "I Got A Hundred Million Clips...."

In any event, Amsterdam had to be chronicled and who better than us right? I mean, besides for the KiDD (now broke by the way....) from Rio, who else can puff, drink, crush, snort, wallow, swallow, wretch, slobber, jab, upper-cut, grenade, wax and violate better than my retard friends? Very few people. Very few.

So here goes - Amsterdam 101.

At Newark airport. Gav was kind enough to bring a case of Miller Lites with him to the gate. Genius! Fucking Genius!

Miller Lite. For the taste of course.

Please, no pix of the fat guy.

The anti-hero of the trip. Did I mention that this guy drove to the airport with 2 other dudes - Gav and Jizzy. They polished off a bottle of Jack just in the car ride to the airport. The first thing that Borka did when it saw me was tackle me. The first thing that Borka did when it saw Fish was kick him in the balls. By the way, do Fish even have balls?

It has begun.

He rode up and down on this bannister from the duty free shop to the bar and back.

More pix!!! Click below to read entry in full.

Unfortunately, Borka maintained it's footing here.

A handle of Jack - never leave home without it. Especially when flying trans-atlantic and the airline charges $5 per cocktail. F that.

This Jack would ultimately lead to the following announcement by the pilot: "Please note that this is a NON-SMOKING flight and passengers are also not allowed to drink their own liquor." Why did the Pilot have to announce that it was a non-smoking flight? Because it turns out that if enough Jack is consumed by an avid tobacco fan, said fan will eventually spark up a butt. This REALLY DID happen on our flight. I wonder who it was....

One of us was lucky enough to sit in First Class.

And it fucking wasn't me!!! Pera actually just sat down in First Class upon boarding the flight. No one ever questioned his seating assignment.

We arrive in Amsterdam. We're groggy, hung over, tired, sleepy and ready to really start the party.

Kill.

Before checking in to your hotel, make sure you hit a coffee shop. You want to have yourself a nice cafe au lait.

Mmmmmmmmmm, nice coffee bean.

Happiness as defined by the freshest Heineken from the tap.

Mmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm. Best. Beer. Ever.

A wild animal ran amock our hotel.

A wild animal exposed itself amongst our hotel.

Sober? I think not.

Sober? I think not.

Sober? I think not. Ladies and gents - meet Karpet. Our young friend from Rome. He would not leave this trip the same as whence he arrived.

Sober? I think not.

Sober? I think not.

More pix coming...

It's more of a - my heart's not in it anymore and the love is gone. The KTB honeymoon is temporarily over. There's only so much coke, Tara Reid, Tabby and booze I could imbibe and write about.

So till further notice - Goodbye. Don't be saddened though. There's plenty of links in the blogroll to keep one dully entertained till the wee hours of any coke binge. Witzy - you know exactly what I'm talking about here.

In the meantime, you can find KTB posting actively on Flickr. Our Flickr page is here.

Sayonara...

UPDATE (Monday April 18th, 330PM): If for nothing else, do us a favor and remember KTB for this. It's a goody.

Not that it matters or you should care one little wee bit but, a very knowledgeable and personal source of ours insists that rapper Jay-Z and hottie diva Beyonce tied the knot this past weekend. They're married. So far, nothing on the wires on this but that's the way it goes. Congratz you crazy kidz.