KTB

Well we're back from FL - home of retirees, veggies and hot mamas. Twas a great time. Even with Pigger succumbing and saying them dreaded two words "I DO."

God help us all.

Check out Terri Schiavo's blog. It's fucking hysterical. And Yes, We Know, We're Going to Hell Here. That's old news.

Team KTB will be in sunny Florida (thank god) for the next several days. Pix, mayhem and chronicles of the very debauched to follow next week.

KTB is going down for a final bon voyage party for long-time associate Pigger. It is the Pig's farewell weekend. Come next Monday morning, he is Pig no more. He shall forever (hopefully...) be known as Papa Oinker.

It is now 3:07PM and KTB is heading over to Finnerty's solo. Most of our friends are either married, engaged to be married or with childe. God bless 'em all. It is time to drop Thor's hammer for all the purged souls.

The past few weeks have been a blight of locusts upon a famished, impoverished Somalian commune. SOF. It is time to drown the sorrow's in multiple pints of Smithwick's chased with swills of Knob. Goodbye sobriety. I'm coming home.

There was a line extending from Whole Foods' new 14th street entrance down to the corner of Broadway wrapping around the block. People. Lots of 'em. 99.9% of them freeloaders like us. The other 0.1%? Who cares.

Robio gains entrance for the KTB constituency

Hello world

They really went all out for this one. Dancing midgets to follow.

"The drugs are down here guys"

Free food make me happy. Free wine make me happier.

That would be Rick from Mean Rick's Picks. Good stuff. I made sure to tell Rick how much I adored his spicy string beans. They are the perfect vodka chaser.

Yes we are a lucky bunch. Gotham Bar & Grill was representin'.

Ceviche on the 1/2 shell via Gotham Bar and Grill. Good stuff.

Watch me make the ceviche disappear.

Molto Mario! Soon to be accosted.

Another fine snack courtesy of another fine establishment.

More goodness. I'm sounding like Emeril here. Bam!

The artsy fartsy shot.

Someone I did NOT recognize yet the tv camera did.

Pizza courtesy of Mario.

Yummmmmmy.

Tamales or something like that.

The only good fish is a dead fish. Refer to our Fish here.

The presenters.

Goody bags of some grooming products. We're all about the goody bags.

The accosting has begun.

Rob's left hand has an assful of Mario right about now.

Give me more food... and drink....

Too much drink here.

Way too much drink here.

Soon to be knocked over courtesy of "someone."

The goody bags run out and the night comes to an early end.

Ok, I'm such a fucking slacker here. I don't know what's happened to me. Witzy is making fun because I'm in awe of his new Brasilian girl. MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMM. She's so fucking hot that it's scarey. SOF. Not even playing. Witz, I want to be your penis. Just for 10 seconds. SOF. OK, enough with that.

Sometime later today, I hope to get around to posting pix from last nite's Union Sq Whole Foods Grand Opening debacle. Robio, Kess and I hit that place and made a mockery. That's what happens when you serve free wine and beer to mongrels. Shit falls apart. Rob accosted Mario Batali and I knocked an entire uber-table of apples & oranges down. Sorry Whole Foods personnel. We're actually really nice people in retrospect. You're the ones who fed us all that freebie wine and beer. So you're to blame for the mess I made. Ooops. Sorry.

Where was I? I also plan to get around to writing an excellent review (along with pix) of Mara's Homemade located on east 6th street b/t 1st and 2nd Aves. It's a cajun joint serving fine, fresh crawfish, Abita beer and all things NOLA. I was so impressed by the food there that I'm at a loss for words. A career in food reviews is out of the ? for me. F it. But seriously, I came in to Mara's a cajun snob. The only thoughts racing through my mind upon entering was "there's no fucking way this place comes close to Great Jones cafe." And those that know, you can't blame me for thinking that. Great Jones is - well I don't need to spout exclamations of how good GJ is. Either you know or you don't. And if you know mMMMMMmmMMM MMMM MMM. Yeah, it's that good. THAT GOOD.

So I came into Mara's with this elitist snobbery and I left completely overwhelmed. We went through 2 three-pound buckets of crawfish. Our tables were covered with the Sunday Times and the little critters were scattered throughout the newsprint. So fucking good. Mara's is definitely a new KTB scavenging grounds.

The anatomy of a "red-dragon/bolivia's finest" deal:

Discreet handshake.

Slip cash to your "friend" Pablo. In this case, "friend" looks like a Walter or Nicholas. Could even be a Julian. Refer to Less Than Zero.

Receive said gifts from friend and tooodalooo. Ciao.

I want to party with Nicole.

By the way, I feel so black today. 50 Cent been on the iPod all day and night.
Hate it or love, the underdog's ontop
And I'm gon' shine homie until my heart stops

Lol, I've lost it. Perhaps its best if I did take that break from blogging after all. Help is needed. Pix coming soon.

We know trading blows and the market has been a sideways assfuck lately. But this is bad. This is very bad:

hedge fund trader seeks strap on mistress - m4w - 30

filthy hedge fund trader who loves being short crude oil, steel and coal, seeks female dom for strap on fun to help further my pain and make me feel worthless.

i hate hedge funds, i hate traders, i hate all PM's, but i love an asset class that widens out my sphincter shortside.

you must be hot, you must be able to gun me up the ass like my current positions.

i hate myself i hate my life and i hate my job. but i will love you.
please get back to me ... as my year has effectively gone to the sh*tter perhaps we can work out a carve out in lieu of cash payment ...

[CL link via gawker]

Lizzie Grubman's new MTV reality series, Power Girls, debuted earlier this week and we're sad to say we missed the first episode. Not only did we miss it but we forgot to set our DVR to tivo it. With that said, it would be unfair for us to review the show without actually having seen it. But we were able to find a review that in all likelihood bares our exact sentiments.

...For a group of people whose entire job is to kiss ass, these women don't quite manage to ingratiate themselves to the audience. The half-hour was enough to make me wish her offices weren't on Lafayette but were instead in the World Trade Center.

The following was uttered during a game of darts between myself and 3 other creatures

"she's a good girl if she doesn't hit you."

"you don't want to be an abused boyfriend."

The market is killing me. I've been short BOOM (NASD:BOOM). My ass is so sore from the ass fucking this stock gave me that even massive doses of Prep H are ineffective. I hope you're able to see the metaphor here.

Despite my anal soreness, I still feel a heck of alot better than this poor white boy. Damn, he got his ass beat. And check out all the peeps in the video (all white) who are just watching him get PUMMELED by this massive black guy. I've never been one for gun control and this just furthers my "armed and readiness." One blast from my Mossberg 12 gauge and the massive black guy would have been a dead massive black guy. Still, it's not like I'm allowed to carry it out in public. My Mossberg that is. I'm applying for a pistol license today. F that.

Next Tuesday, March 15th, is a "holiday" we're going to enjoy very much. It's the official International Eat an Animal for PETA Day. Yaaaaaaaaaaay.

Here's what I'm considering eating on this joyous occasion:

1. The aged NY Strip from the Strip House. Cow simply doesn't get any better.
2. A cheeseburger with everything on it from Burger Joint. Thank MT for pointing this baby out way back...
3. A Bison Burger with the works from Fanelli's served up on their perfectly crispy focacia bread.
4. A smattering of yummy cow via Peter Luger's. Yes, it's still a fave of ours.
5. Delicious baby back ribs from Houston's (my mouth is watering as I type).
6. The big-ass beef rib from No. 1 Chinese. You haven't lived if you haven't had this.
7. Filet mignon from Dylan Prime. Eat and be seen baby.
8. Going with the burger vibe here - Bacon Cheezburger from Corner Bistro. Add the $2 mugs of McSorley's and how can you possibly go wrong.
9. And last but not least - hot dogs galore from Gray's Papaya.

It's still relatively early in 2005 to be awarding this annual dishonor but we seriously doubt anyone is going to top the following act of stupidity.

Newly signed Arizona Cardinal running back, Larry Ned, was caught and arrested in a men's room at Phoenix's Sky Harbor International Airport after stealing somebody's Dell laptop from the security checkpoint area. Ned swiped the Dell while the rightful owner was still being screened by security. When asked why he committed such a stupid-ass crime Ned replied "I need to feed my children."

The Cards have subsequently dropped the dumbass. My best guess is we can expect to see Ned working a drive thru window at a Popeye's Chicken franchise.

This past Saturday was the annual Hoboken St. Patty's Day bar crawl. Regrettably, I missed it. Again. There's something about leaving the isle of Manhattan which scares us shitless.

Luckily, Mrs. Chesterwhite caught the action and posted all the lovely pix to her flickr page. Be warned. NSFW. Also NSF children. Also NSF for those with a heart condition.

Update: Sersen also got in on the action. His pix here.

Here is a pretty cool definitive guide to using Google to find mp3's on the web.

Here's what it found for Radiohead.

Going thru some old directories on my computer, I discovered this series of pix and vids from a trip to Colorado in late 2003. Funny shit. Crazy shit. I'm putting them up for sentimental value only.

You can take a Pig out of the pen but you can't take the sty out of the Pig.

Notice - There is NO TOILET PAPER around.

Toooooo funny

Check out the rest of this entry to see some excellent video footage too.

Now, check out the following vids. Most of them are taken at the famous Whaler cliff in Vail. It doesn't look so big on the videos but the drop-off was good for about 25 feet. Not bad for a couple of NYC boys.

This is Mini as he casually rides thru the snowboard park.

Mini's first attempt at the infamous Whaler.

Mini's BIGGEST attemp off the Whaler.

Here we go. This is a bad shot of me attempting to land off my drop from the Whaler.

My piece de resistance. My biggest Whaler jump plus landing to boot.

This following video doesn't do the scene justice. It was taken on a double black run in a bowl at Steamboat. It was so fucking steep. Cliffs were everywhere. As were trees. It was not a pretty way to get down the mountain.

Movie I
We're driving back to the house from a day of drinking and wings when a passenger in the car is suddenly possessed by the ass demon. The turtle was showing its head and it refused to stay hidden. Watch here as the Dalai Lama is invoked to keep the doody down.

Movie II
What happens when a stink bomb is released in a room full of animals? The animals stay put unaffected by the homely reminder. Watch here as the laughter unfolds and the tears are brought forth in this gut and snout buster.

Movie III
Pigger shows his true colors in this movie. I hope you enjoy watching the Pig sabotage his friends while they dine unsuspectingly at the seemingly friendy dining room table. Watch here as the shit hits the fan.

More pix and such from KTB's recent excursion to Utah.

3 amigos.

Pale Male that's not. Taken at the Marriott on Main Street in Park City.

This owl could turn it's head all the way around.

I love litters. I know you're probably thinking "Don't you mean liters?" No, I mean litters!

Someone just crapped their pants.

And someone sitting next to a crapper is not happy.

Words are beyond me. But I am going to get me a pair of Speedos real soon.

A Park City sunset.

I'm just as confused as you are by this.

Good bye Park City. Till next year...

What happens when 14 humans and 1 Pigger go to Utah? Read on to find out.

Hrrrrgh hrrrrrgh. Oink.

Feels like something bad is about to unfold.

Nothing good can ever come of this. NOTHING GOOD.

Hello Pepe. Hello KTB. How are you? I'm just fine and you? Excellent indeed. Thank you for asking.

The rest of this entry is DEFINITELY NSFW. Read on at your OWN RISK.

Vile vile and vile. Did I mention this is just fucking VILE???

This ain't much better than the previous picture. We completely ruined this excellent steakhouse, Cellar's, in Park City. I doubt we're welcome back.

"Finally! Who had my tampon all this time?" - Ringl the weasel

Back at the house. Did I mention this house probably lost 25% of it's market value after we left? OK OK. More like 45%. I'm not kidding.

The Vile Pigger, after downing a 1/3rd of the bottle of Patron in one swoop releases his putrid insides on Sers's and Gav's bowl. Pretty it was not!

"Hrrrrgh hrrrrgh. My name Pigger. I like puke and shit and snout self. Oink."

LOL LOL LOL. I don't even know where to begin on this. Let's just say this shirt you see in the fireplace - this shirt that belonged to the Pigger- HAD TO BE BURNED. No one is innocent people and it was "just an accident." Maybe one day, over multiple beers and shots of Jamesons, I'll tell the story behind the burning of this shirt. It's damn fucking worth it and way too incriminating for these pages.

Our house.
Our house.
Our house is on fire....

Hrrrrrgh hrrrrgh. Oink. Hrrrgh.

Sers and I split the pot on this nite. But a certain pig has yet to pay his debt.... No one is innocent.

Some people consider this a sign of weakness. Not I. This is a fucking talent people. Pass out. Music blaring. Wild animals in the midst. And not spill a single drop of beer. Fucking SKILLZ yo. SKILLZ.

Can you see the flap? It's there. The Pig's fucking valve is hard to miss. Did I mention this pic is completely and utterly vile? It is.

A hang over masked by a smile. We were HURTING.

LOL. I thought it was allergic to soap and water was my first thought....

Ice is nice.

Sers and Pepe.

The view from the tram at the Canyons. We rode the Canyons on our 2nd day. It was another beautiful day with 45 degree temperatures and blue bird skies.

Another view.

Smokie's Smoke House at the foot of the Canyons.

The Canyons about 30 minutes before sundown.

Gav's chair was totally sabotaged in this pic. "Someone" had replaced his original chair with a broken down one nearby. When he came back from visiting the magic dragon, he was rudely surprised by a 3 legged chair. Unfortunately, the prank didn't work and Gav maintained his dignity. Temporarily.

Another beast. Another pig.

Another beast. Another pig.

Hrrrrgh hrrrrgh. Oink. Oink oink.

Who da who da?

Downstairs at Cisero's. Here's another bar we won't be welcomed back in. Such is our collective fate.

I think this guy hates me and my bro after this trip. That's a whole other story worth telling over multiple cocktails.

Hrrrrrgh hrrrrgh hrrrrrrrgh hrrrrgh.

Dan. The Man.

We flew almost all the way accross the country to bump into Sers's next door neighbor. Or something like that. All I know is this guy likes to drink.

Hrrrgh hrrrgh.
Dancing Pig.
Young and free only 34.
Dancing Pig.
Hrrrgh hrrrrgh.
These pix were taken at the famous Harry O's.

Back at the house. Bad things about to happen.

I'm sorry but I'm fucking cracking up while I sit here and look at this pic. PIG PIG PIG PIG PIGGER. Hrrrrrrgh.

Hrrrrgh hrrrrgh. Micro-pigger.

Well I've gone ahead and uploaded way too many pix from KTB's recent excursion to Park City, Utah. It was such a good trip. I haven't laughed as hard as I did on this trip in much too long a time. While I laughed, others cried, yet others cringed at the sobering odors of a recently released stink bomb.

Check out the pix along with the commentary. I'm still trying to rejuvenate comatose brain cells.

Thank you Amex Platinum Card. Hence the President's Club.

We finally land in Salt Lake and promptly get in our rented 15 passenger van.

Never leave home without it....

Things could be worse. That could be a Land Cruiser...

Pow pow. Pow pow pow and bluebird all around.

Such a sweet boy...

The first day we rode Park City. Twas about 45 degrees out and the mountain was completely empty. We were very happy crappy.

Hap-penis

Say hello to Pepe. KTB's resident Hamptons rep.

Let's play a game known as "Spot the Pig". Can you spot the wild animal?

Hot

Hotter

Blue skies and no crowds.

This is my favorite pic from the whole trip. Maybe. Check it out. Mini-me knocks the vile Pigger off his perch but the Pig is able to land a shot on Mini thus resulting in Mini's recoil. The Pig went down. If it would have been a muddy landing, the Pig wouldn't have been upset. White, clean snow was a problem for the Pig though. Who knew he was allergic to all things clean?

Broken Pigger.

Pigger wants revenge against Mini.

The Pigger-Mini matchup is underway.

Leave it to Pigger to ruin an idyllic mountain top scene.

Down goes Mini as the Pigger breathes on him. Oink oink. Hrrrrgh hrrrrgh.

Rematch time.

A temporarily victorious Pigger squeals and blanches.

If there's one thing I learned about out-West skiing is RESPECT THEIR DOUBLE BLACK DIAMONDS. This ain't Hunger Mountain! I made the fatal mistake of going down an unknown Steamboat Mtn double black last year and it was almost the last run of my life. I didn't want to go through the same thing being one year older and one year slower.

Does this look like an evil child to you? Of course not. This boy is an angel. A perfect angel.

This pic and the subsequent ones were taken at the highest point of Park City. We had to hike up a ridge for about an hour to get here. Pooped? That's a fucking understatement. I thought I was in good shape because I could do 6 miles on the treadmill. Fuck was I wrong. I died on this hike. D-I-E-D! My legs were beaten little rubber hoses. But the run down was worth it. All 20 seconds of it. Pow pow pow. Freshies.

Top of Park City

Top of Park City

Top of Park City

A collection of wild beasts sans yours truly.

A collection of wild beasts including yours truly.

Don't worry, I'm not dead here. Not quite yet. I've just been really busy with work, life, Snorka, etc.

Last nite I returned from our regularly scheduled snowboarding trip out west. This year's destination was Park City, UT. I'm tired and my creaky body's all banged up. Our house in Park City was destroyed. Woe is the gentlepig that put the house on it's credit card.

I hope to be back here real soon.