KTB

For the past few months, I've been reading a blog out of Jakarta written by an American named Brandon. Besides taking absolutely stunning pictures of Indonesia, Brandon's writing is completely enthralling and captivating of his expat experience.

I checked Brandon's blog yesterday to see if he'd written anything regarding the massive tsunami that struck his part of the world. What he wrote was pretty horrific:

Flipping through the various news stations, I came upon MetroTV - an Indonesian station. There is none of the edited footage being looped on BBC or CNN - they're showing rooms full of children who've drowned, stacks of bodies being taken away in ambulances, mothers finding their infants dead. The hardest part is seeing the children - they are showing a dozen children lying in a row, all dead.

It's absolutely harrowing to witness this footage - as terrible and invasive as is it - there is a sense of reality that is not shown to the world. It's very difficult to watch.

Jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to pack

Your beak in a one horse open sleigh

Yaaay

Twas the eve of the night before xmas. And all the naughty little boys and girls congregated to provide their own snowwy merriment. There were elves a singing and trolls a dancing. There were rails a packing and gaggers a ripping. Love was in the air. A hyper-sonic, mouth twitching, teeth grinding kind of love. The kind of love that could easily turn venomous so long as your stocking was stuffed, stocked and re-stuffed. And boy was it re-stuffed. Numbers were dialed. Wolves in sheep's clothing huffed and puffed and left only after being paid. And the stockings were re-stocked.

Life affirming conversations could be heard for miles and miles. Myopic political discussions were not unusual either. And love was in the air.

And when all was said and done, as the sky turned to purple and then to white and the lights faded on Broadway, the elves began quietly pouring home. Back to their crypts. There was work to be done at the North Pole and the elves needed their rest. No good could ever come from this. And no good surely did come from this. It's going to be a long xmas weekend.

Before we sign off and snicker ourselves to death for the holidays, we come across an excellent gift idea for all the last minute shoppers out there - ourselves included.

If, like us, you have that certain friend who has it all; a friend who appreciates the finer things in life; a friend who possesses that certain savoir faire; then this may be the gift for you. NSFW!!! Enter at your own risk. You've been warned. KTB Xmas Idea for 2005.

Happy New Year and Merry Xmas. C Y'All in 05.

In what has to be the least shocking item of the year

Bulger Approaches 10 Years on the Run

BOSTON (AP) -- Fugitive mobster James ''Whitey'' Bulger is getting better with age, even as federal authorities say they're refining their hunt for the former South Boston crime boss.

''He's gotten better and better at it,'' U.S. Attorney Michael Sullivan said at a press conference at which authorities released a detailed timeline of Bulger's near 10-year odyssey.

It's a very cloudy yet shady time when a good-hearted name like Bulger is afflicted with this kind of reputation.
[via YahooNews]

A few of my friends are sexually handicapped you could say. I don't mean they can't get it up and do the lambada. Not that I would know such detail... What I mean is that a few of my buddies are not very good at talking to girls unless copious amounts of cocaine and/or ecstasy are involved. If their target female possesses intelligence greater than an acorn's, these gents are out of luck. Lines like "yo, what up bitch. you wanna party? this a versace wallet i got" just bounce off most female revellers, even those that trek across a river to embrace NYC nightlife.

It goes without saying then that any attempt at mating these so called friends of mine with females a la the "Blind Date" mechanism is certain to have it's fair share of low-lights. In fact, low lights abound as the following IM attempts to detail a blind date experience amongst humans and mongrels. A friend of mine explains as his good-will indulgence turns for the worst.

me: where is it
jdateman: his new name is DERELICT
me: lol
me: nothing new about that
jdateman: no words for this creature
jdateman: dude, we get to restuarant. me, the idiot and girls. we sit down. start drinking sangria. the groundhog starts singing in russian. he not even drunk.
jdateman: he is saying stupid shit in russian. i dont even know what.
me: what was it saying?
jdateman: no idea. girls telling him he otb russian. that's not bad tho. things are ok at first. but i swear like 2 glasses later, idiot boy starts dancing. he gets up at table and dancing. waiters, people everyone in shock.
jdateman: it showed his stomach to them and was starting to take off his pants
me: blubber boy
me: i cant wait to hear what it has to say
me: it's gonna be like " fuck em, ugly bitches"
me: omg, insane
jdateman: im embrassed and i have never said that before. its not funny anymore
jdateman: i thought that it can act like a human or have a civilized conversation but i was wrong
jdateman: very wrong. not funny anymore.i cant take it anywhere
me: amazing
me: sorry not amazing
me: more like pathetic
me: just pathetic
jdateman: i had no words for the girls. they were in shock
me: when will it grow up
me: when will it be human
jdateman: never. i have come to that conclusion last night that he will forver be alone
me: lol
jdateman: no girl with half a brain that comes from a normal family will ever be with him no matter how much funds it has
jdateman: dude, when i tell you that i was embarassed it was bad. Usually im laughing and i think its funny and im not thinking its funny no more. Its very sad. They think that he needs a lot of help
me: i hear ya loud and clear dude
me: its amazing how bad it still is
me: its not 16 anymore u know
jdateman: just to see how girls with an ounce of a brain react to him is scary.and the fact that he cant have a normal conversation with them is very sad
jdateman: it had to walk away from the table like 4 times
me: why did it keep walking away
jdateman: couldnt handle it. they caught onto his bullshit and he couldnt defend himself
me: wow
me: shock and awe
jdateman: he was mentally challenged and he broke down
me: lol
jdateman: these girls were 23 years old, very cute and kind of not retarded girls, one of them was very pretty all of them had great bodies and very cute and he couldnt handle it
jdateman: it was the first time ever, that i really saw him in a situation with girls not on drugs
me: he has no experience unless he's talking to girls that cant see straight
me: have u spoken to him today yet?
me: and where did u leave him?
jdateman: yep.. its disturbing. not funny no more they go We feel sorry for his poor mother.. No one we know would ever be with someone like this. its like babysitting a child in pampers
me: hahahahaha
me: omg
me: that's crazy
jdateman: it stayed out.. with its puerto rican friend
me: now the snow man cometh
me: u know i say the same to him - i feel sorry for his mother
jdateman: dude.. no joke anymore. i like the idiot, good heart but something is very very very wrong.. how can i take him anywhere to meet normal people ?
jdateman: i try to hook him up and it backfires
jdateman: it was honestly a nightmare
me: you cant
me: now u learned ur lesson
jdateman: they ask me why im friends with a complete idiot ? i said we have been friends for so long. He has gotten worse over the years
jdateman: it really was not funny anymore. the grabbing, the rude behavior, the pulling hair its just out of control
me: was he really grabbing?
me: no way
jdateman: yep. and these girls didnt take his bullshit. they told him to go back to russia, go hang out with the otb russians because you dress like one. They went off on him. one girl goes, stop touching me or im going to take this glass and smash it on your face
me: omg
me: i cant believe what i'm hearing
me: cant believe it
me: i'm dying here
jdateman: i promise you for the first time ever im not exaggerating or making any bullshit up. Im pissed and embarrased that these girls had to witness this and made me look like a fucken idiot
jdateman: the fucking groundhog starts pulling his pants down. at dinner table. everyone looking at it. about to whip his weewee out.
me: weeweee lol i love it
me: dude, i dont know what to say
me: its sad
me: i feel sorry for his mother
me: hahah
me: i really cant believe what u r telling me
me: was it drunk or doing coke?
jdateman: cute girls usually hang out with girls that are cute also. I figured derelict can meet a normal girl for once and he just cant handle a girl with a fucken brain
me: dude, nothing we can do
jdateman: he needs to find a retarted girl with a lot of mental problems
me: more like a blind girl who's deaf and loves to pack her beak
me: see no snow, hear no snow
jdateman: yep.. its horrible
me: i'm gonna watch the jets game
me: i'll ttyl

I was out in this sub-freezing weather trying to catch some pix that would define how freaking cold it was out (17 degrees F but 3 degrees F w/ the wind chill). Instead, I got frostbite on my right hand while snapping pix of the fire on 14th Street between 5th and 6th Avenues.

14th Street was completely shut down between the two avenues while several firetrucks were on the scene to put this blaze out. I took dozens of pix and I'll get around to posting them hopefully later today. It is so fucking cold outside.

Update - So, like a schmuck, I went out to shoot candid shots of people using my 300mm telephoto lens. I'm not good at getting in people's faces to get a shot - hence the telephoto. As soon as I stepped out of my building, the scent of smoke was overwhelmingly evident. But it wasn't just the scent. There was a mist overshadowing 13th street from 4th Avenue all the way down to, at least, 6th Avenue.

Sirens wailed bitterly across University Place and as I approached 5th Ave, getting nearer and nearer to the actual blaze, people could be seen heading away from the source, some covering their mouths, both to shield away the smoke and preserve whatever heat they can against the frigid chill. It was a scene that almost brought back stark memories of September 11th but thankfully not quite.

As it turns out, this was the second fire on 14th Street today. The other one (which I dont have pictures of) was reportedly in the white residential building that is also home to Garden of Eden. It must have been a very busy day for the guys from my neighborhood firehouse.

Well today we stood arm to arm with what some would say are mostly our ideological opposites. We gathered at 1pm at the pre-determined meeting spot (very Bond-like and all) and then the love fest began. Shutters and clicks were going off like 40 caps in the hood. It was a beautiful thing.

We were there to protest the MTA's ban on subway photography. So we rode the subways and took photos of each other. It was a veritable shutterbug orgy. Jake from bluejake/gothamist was there, as were several other photo-bloggers that we just don't know. We're sure there'll be tons of these pix scattered all over the blognet real soon.

GCS

This pic really reminds me of the movie Warriors. I'm seeing Swan ripping down the escalator being chased by roller-skating thugs.

Update: More pix from Saturday's MTA Protest can be found at the following:
bluejake
Joe's NYC
Entropy - NYC Photolog
A Test of Will
La Vide De Mi
Matt Law
NYC Girl - Subway
The incestuous blog circle is now complete.

I've been meaning to put this up sooner but am just getting around to it. Scheduled for 1pm today (Saturday Dec. 18, 2004), photographers, lefties, anarchists et. al. unite to protest the MTA's proposed ban on photography in the subways.

Be at Grand Central at 1pm to see KTB stand arm to arm with fellow activists. Nope, we didn't think we'd see this day either. But hell has frozen over and we're protesting today.

For more info, go to forgotten-ny.

Things I've learned from Wednesday night reality TV a la Project Runway:

1. When interviewing for a job with Banana Republic, it may not be in your best interest to dress like a Banana Republican.

2. Leopard prints are out. So are lawyers-turned-designers. (Now turned back to lawyer).

3. Hand held clothing irons occasionally spew rusty water. So do I...

4. Baby powder is as uneffective at cleaning stains (caused by spewing irons) as it is at being a substitute for coke (unless you're Tabby; he'll snort any fucking thing).

5. And finally, I learned it's better to get wasted the night before a major presentation. That will make the prospect of failure seem like a cake-walk compared to the hellfire brewing in your loins. Austin, take note and stop being such a pussy.

"One was used on me," he said. "It's just terrible. It's painful, and it paralyzes you." - Analyst Sid Parakh on being jolted by a Taser stun-gun for 2 seconds.

Taser is in the news today because of their new developmental product - non-lethal land mines.

In other non-lethal news, KTB would like to direct your attention to a small company based out of Tucson, AZ - Ionatron (NASD: IOTN). Initial research indicates that IOTN

"develops and markets directed energy weapon technology products initially for sale to the United States Government.

The Company and the United States Government have entered into several contracts for products and services, as well as Cooperative Research and Development Agreements for joint research on Laser Induced Plasma Channel (LIPC)-based directed energy weapons.

Its technology controls and directs electrical energy down a laser-created plasma channel to a specific target."

KTB will be keeping an eye on this one.

Gothamist has a great weed story today. It turns out that weed flavored lollipops (that's right, those fuck sticks you suck on) have been all the rage with NYC's teen set and old-timers like us are just catching on.

The sticks are called Chronic Candy (hence the logo) and come in flavors like Acapulco Gold and Chronic. The THC is supposed to be 100% removed but the taste is supposed to be the same as the "forbidden fruit". Go figure. We'd like to try these for ourselves and report our results then. In the meantime, we'll be 420-ing the good ol'fashioned way.

The Chronic Candy website is down but you can get more info here.

Hempfield Candy Company also offers marijuana lollipops.

Back to our blogging hiatus.

[via gothamist]

The words we thought we'd never say are rolling off our tongues like butter on a hot skillet. According to today's NY Post, there is a reason to live in Jersey after all.

For the second straight year, New Jersey has the dubious distinction of peddling the nation's purest heroin.

"You can't buy any better heroin in the world," said Michael Pasterchick, agent in charge of the Newark office of the FDA.

As I sit here at work, praying for the closing bell to strike, my mind often wanders - where am I drinking tonight? where did I drink last nite? why do I feel like shit? etc. etc...

But today's daydreaming was of a different sort. My love affair with flickr continues as this set of photos totally took me away to another world. No concrete. No garbage trucks. No bike messengers. No jews (just kidding folks). Just a perfect place. In case you haven't clicked the link yet, the photos there are entirely of an Alaskan and Yukon variety. Big game, big mountains and bold sunsets make up the bunch but it's much more than that. Go and visit and see for yourselves.

Team KTB visited the Kenai River near Soldotna, Alaska many moons ago. It was before the proliferation of digital cameras so all the photos we took, we had to scan to digitize. We have a few of those photos here for your viewing.

Yahoo has posted links to 2004's Pictures of the Year. It's cool to see so many amazing photographs.

National Geographic also has a retrospective of 2004's Best Pictures which is definitely worth checking out.

Amidst all this hubbub, we're surprised that nobody nominated this pic for a 2004 honor.

After setting the camera and tripod up under the awning's corner of Virgin Megastore, I began snapping pix all the while experimenting with different ISO's and shutter speeds. The point was to capture quality images in rainy, low-light conditions. Traffic, buildings, people, and bums were all photographed.

What did I learn from this endeavor? Surprisingly, more than I imagined. For one, I learned that people of a certain darker skin hue don't like being photographed. Even if the camera isn't pointing in their general direction, the dark hues were seen taking cover behind various objects such as hot dog vendors, building alcoves and buses. Generally, I can't say this applied to ALL of the dark hued people because several dark hues paid no mind. But the dark hues who sold umbrellas, earings, incense and the ones that distributed flyers of a smart sort seemed to run for the hills when within earshot of camera lens. What is the reason for this strange behavior? We're no anthropologist here but we will be asking our dark hued friend Tabby about this erratic pattern.

In the meantime, check out the pix from outside Virgin Megastore on a rainy Thursday evening.

Hide and I shall seek

Slow hider

Peekaboo, I see you. Right behind your little table.

Honestly, this is one of the best gossip posts we've EVER read. Kiki, from kikinyc.blogspot.com, who's out for a night on the town, inadvertently finds a wallet on the street. Who's wallet is it? What drug paraphernalia is in the wallet? Well children, you're just going to have to read her post. It's fucking crazy.

Update: Of fuck it, I'm copying and pasting kiki's post right here. It's too good not to.

Hey Girls,
I just wanted to update you about our weekend in NYC. Of course it was Liz's birthday so it was bound to be a crazy time...you know it's never a dull moment when two or more of us P.C. girls get together! Well, for those of you who didn't recieve a late night phone call Saturday night from Liz, I'll fill you in on what happened...

When we got off the subway in Manhattan, me Liz and Charley were attempting to catch a cab when I saw something laying on the street... it looked like a wallet so I kicked it over to Charley and said "whats this?" Charley picked it up and we jumped into the cab. Inside the cab Charley opened the wallet and found a liscence, an American Express Black card, a $20 bill rolled tight, and a folded up $1 bill. He yells: "Oh my God, guess whos wallet this is!" I said: "Whos? I found it, hand it over!"

To my surprise it was Lindsay Lohan's California liscence and credit card! I took out the dollar bill and unfolded it to find a rather large bag of what looked to be cocaine! I couldnt believe my eyes! We had a pop star's wallet with illegal drugs and she's only 18! The first thing that came to mind was to blackmail for a large amount of cash or a casting in her next movie... Unfortunately I've learned that publicity might not be so appealing when you have tons of strange people calling your cell phone to buy your story.

Since I had no idea if I should keep the wallet or send it back, I called US Weekly for advice. US Weekly called Lindsays publicist and the next thing I knew I was getting calls from her publicist threatening to sue me. She wanted my home address so she can send a driver out to pick it up. I refused to give her any personal information. The National Inquirer called me about 8X to buy my story for $2500 (which keeps going up everytime I talk to them), they want to take pictures of the evidence, give me a polygraph, and interview me tomorrow. I dont think its the morraly correct thing to do and Im not sure its the safest either. the New York Post has attempted to contact me (check for an article in tomorrow's paper, most likely it will not be a completely accurate story), the NYPD (who threatened to arrest me if i dont hand over the goods since they claim it is government property), and some strange people who wouldn't even tell me who they were (but thought I was dumb enough to give them my address). I don't know who to believe and what to do with the wallet.

I told Lindsay's publicist that I would like to return it to her in person so that I knew it was going to her. She said she would ask her. Supposedly Lindsay was freaked out by the whole thing and was crying hysterically and denied ever doing any drugs. The publicist told me she only drinks a lot and likes to party, and smokes cigarettes, but what 18 year old doesn't...what a publicist she is! She also claimed to have called Lindsay's parents who called their lawyer and is ready to sue me if I make any wrong moves. At this point Im kind of afraid to answer my phone anymore b/c Im scared someone might get my address and come to my house. I think what I will do is just mail it to her house in Beverly Hills tomorrow and hope it gets to her.

Anyway, I scanned the liscence and the credit card for you guys to see just for kicks. I blacked out her street address b/c I don't know what kind of trouble I can get into and I have to be careful! The black card is cancelled, but it would have been nice to have a night of unlimited spending on Lindsay Lohan for Liz's 24th birthday!

Update: Ok, as per Kiki's email, it turns it wasn't her who actually found the wallet. She was just the lucky recipient of this email. Is it true? Who knows. It's an entertaining read nonetheless.

Bugs and Blue Collars. Trows and Knobbers. No, we're not talking about personal hygiene or bowel movements here. We're referring to Seeing Further's latest post. And a good one it is.

Work beckons and posting will be on hiatus indefinitely. In the meantime, visit our new photoblog and make fun of us there.

Before retiring for the evening, the following had to be shared. Our dear friend MT has come out with the de facto dating guide to December: One rule for every day of the month!!!

11. Avoid any girl who doesn't drink. Do I need to say anything else here?

13. Avoid any girl who won't make out with you in a taxi. She lacks a properly functioning sexual instinct.

15. Avoid any girl who tells you she thinks she feels a spark between the two of you. Her mind is trapped in a Sweet Valley High novel.

25. Avoid any girl you meet at Cocaine Anonymous. She won't do drugs with you.

Where to start. It's 8pm Thursday and this has been the least productive day of my life. Am I begging for sympathy? Sure. A shoulder is always nice to cry upon. What I really need though is a shotgun (I forgot I have several of those) lobotomy. Something. Anything to make the dullness; the dimwitidness go away. You know there's something out of whack when South Hampton's finest home grown trees aren't doing a thing for you.

Last nite was the debut episode of Project Runway. Since timelines are so popular, let me see if I can comb through my memory to establish my own:
Wednesday 4:05PM Gav calls. "Dude, I'm done with work, I'm coming over." I thought I was going to the gym.
4:30PM Gym is nixed. Gav is on the couch. He's my new bff. The first cans of Miller Lite are sitting ever so pretty on the coffee table.
5:30PM First 6 pack (cans) is discarded. Call Brothers Deli for a quick fill up.
5:31PM First shot of Aquavit taken while awaiting more Miller Lite (cans).
5:36PM Second shot of the water of life is taken un-necessarily I might add. Why Aquavit? Because it's in the freezer.
5:41PM Hug Roberto the lovely delivery man (he is the beer stork after all) from Brothers Deli who originally hails from Pueblo, Mexico. His name for me - Mr. Tequila. Why? One time I got him so liquored up on his native drink that upon exiting my building he promptly dropped trou and relieved himself on the street. Not a pretty picture. A Kodak moment for sure just no Kodak camera at the time. No Canon either.
6:45PM Second 6-pack (cans) disappears. Bloatation sets in. Dinner nixed. We're done with beer. It'll be shots of Aquavit with Beam and ginger to chase.
7:15PM Gav switches to Vodka. The brand - Viking Fjord Vodka. Scandanavian is definitely the new black. I'm still on the water of life.
7:30PM Beam and ginger in hand, the short walk to Project Runway viewing commences.
7:31PM Gav and I are the first to arrive. Host apartment is stocked to the brim with liquor. I love this guy... I come prepared though. I have my Aquavit and Viking Fjord and offer it to the host. He's out on the dirty stuff. So is Gav. It's just me versus the volcano. Tonight I am Linus and the Vit is my towel. What the hell am I talking about?
8:00PM People start arriving. Show doesn't begin for another two hours. Shots are underway. Viking Fjords for everybody. Water of life for me.
9:30PM What was supposed to be a few friends over to watch the show turns into a 40+ person drink-a-thon. No problem though. Roberto is only a phone call away.

Oh forget this timeline thing. I have a headache and the numbers aren't helping. It was supposed to be a few friends and perhaps a few contestants. Well it turned into a few friends, a few contestants, a few friends of friends and a few friends of contestants. At 10PM, the channel was tuned to Bravo and we all sat around the TV like the homeless to a flaming garbage bin.

The night proceeded into oblivion. The generous Mr. F, who never disappoints, provided for many rounds of golf. Thank you Mr. F for ruining my Thursday. Oh yeah - we all watched the show too. If I was an intelligent being, well, I would write something intelligent about the show. But that's not going to happen. The reviews about Heidi Klum were right. She's got as much charisma as a retarded horse. Thankfully, she's not the whole show. The contestants are a funny bunch. The first to be voted off was the only one I didn't like. So that's that. Our amigo, "The Player", didn't get much airtime nor was his outfit given the accolades it deserved. And that's that.

As the party dwindled down and a few of us remained, I found myself pondering the water of life as night slowly turned into day and my life lost a few more years. Hopefully these pix will tell a better story than me. The only smart thing I've done today is turn my cell phone off.

Who will win it all?

Faux-hawk -- Yes/No? Anyone?

Bobby Dukes

Anyone else know this brand of beer? It's a KTB favorite.

So we sat around and told band camp stories. We also watched that TV show.

Bonnie and Bonnie? I don't know.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

B-day girl (not the one in red)

I make this face too. It usually comes after the first gagger and I'm running to the bowl.