KTB

That we'd see these covers on our NY dailies:

I swear I would have thought there'd be a greater chance of seeing Captain Bowtie Louis Farrakhan elected President before seeing the outcome of last nite's series. Congrats to the Sox and Sox fans near and far.

On another note, here are the Top 5 Great Things Since the Sox Won The Series:

1. Baseball season is finally fucking over.
2. Baseball season is finally fucking over.
3. Baseball season is finally fucking over.
4. Baseball season is finally fucking over.
5. Baseball season is finally fucking over.

Really quickly, while I'm incapacitated by a cold sweat and the shakes, a great truth was unearthed today. Several of my friends' geneologies have finally come to light. Here, now, the remains of "New Species of Hobbit-Sized Human Found". Tabby, Mini, Junior and all the rest of ya.... Congratulations. The family tree is complete.

And in KTB's continued tradition of excellent election coverage - NOT - here are our thoughts on the election penned by the illustrious MERYL YOURISH, a life long Democrat

...Though I've never been a one-issue voter in the past, to me, this election boils down to one issue: The war on terror. I don't believe John Kerry can fight that war.

I think Kerry is a liar and a poseur. You cannot have a career of pacifism and voting against military issues and suddenly turn around and declare yourself a fit commander-in-chief. It takes more than a campy salute and a "reporting for duty" at the DNC to make me believe Kerry is fit for command.

The Democrats have forced my hand. I was praying for a candidate I could vote for with the confidence that he would continue the war against the fascists who would change our world into one of uncompromising totalitarianism...

...These were the nails in the coffin for me, when Kerry told the DNC:

"Any attack will be met with a swift and certain response."

That's not good enough. We are at war now; I don't want a president who will wait until we are attacked in order to respond. I want the targeted assassinations of terrorists. I want the continued isolation of terrorist nations like Syria and Iran. I want dictators like Muammar Ghadafy to be sweating for their lives and careers. I want someone who is committed to trying to plant the seed of democracy in the Middle East, not someone who thinks that is an impossibility. Kerry has indicated that his Middle East policy will be more of the same, using Clinton's failed tactics and Clinton's failed negotiators. That's not good enough.

I disagree with nearly every single part of George Bush's domestic policies. I am pro-gay rights, pro-choice, pro-stem cell research, against huge tax cuts for big business, not a strict constructionist regarding Supreme Court Justices. I am in favor of unions (or at least, what unions were supposed to be), affirmative action, and most of the rest of the liberal agenda.

But the war trumps everything.

Read her whole post. It's well worth it.

[via stereogum]

Till Saw opens in theatres. The trailer looks pretty scarey. See it if you haven't yet.

Thank you Lord for giving me the foresight to NOT short this ungodly stock. Holy Google!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad the election's not Teresa vs. Laura. If only Teresa's wife husband had her balls...

By the way, can anyone figure out what beer that is? We're getting very thirsty staring at that photo.

KTB's favorite and we mean FAVORITE pizza joint is shutting it's doors for good. Joe's Pizza, located on the corner of Bleecker and Carmine Streets, will be closing down from it's famed, original corner location. Their other pizzeria (located just a few doors down) will remain open but something tells us it will never be the same.

KTB remembers pigging out on fresh mozzarella slices of Joe's after drinking ourselves silly at the now-defunct Life Nightclub and at 271. Those were good days my friends.
[via Curbed]

The big guy in the sky has a plan for the Sox.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

-W.H. Auden

The third paragraph from today's front-page Washington Post article by Helen Dewar and Tom Ricks on Kerry's foreign policy record reads:

Kerry's belief in working with allies runs so deep that he has maintained that the loss of American life can be better justified if it occurs in the course of a mission with international support. In 1994, discussing the possibility of U.S. troops being killed in Bosnia, he said, "If you mean dying in the course of the United Nations effort, yes, it is worth that. If you mean dying American troops unilaterally going in with some false presumption that we can affect the outcome, the answer is unequivocally no."

Candidate Kerry shows off tricks he learned while on tour with the Moscow Circus. Yaaaay!

Does this constitute correct use of a Taser stun gun? We think so. Bad granny bad girl!

In non-baseball news, Team KTB traded Curtis Martin (RB-NYJ) and Quincy Morgan (WR-Cin) from our fantasy football squad for Terrell Owens (WR-Phi) and Dominic Rhodes (RB-Ind).

Curtis Martin, who is currently the #1 ranked running back in fantasy football, has truly been the backbone of our team. Why the fuck did we just trade him? We don't know. We drafted Curtis in the 4th round overall and he was our 3rd RB after Edgerrin James (RB-Ind) and Kevan Barlow (RB- SF). Needless to say, after week 1, Curtis was our #1 RB option. It's sad to see him go but Team KTB is very deep at the RB position maintaining the likes of the 2 players above as well as Mewelde Moore (RB-Min), Stephen Jackson (RB-StL), Najeh Davenport (RB-GB), Chester Taylor (RB-Bal) and Larry Johnson (RB-KC).

Team KTB was very hurting at the wide receiver position because of failures like Justin McCarreins (WR-NYJ), Chad Johnson (WR-Cin) and Jerry Porter (WR-Oak). We really hope this was the right trade at the right time given Curtis Martin's market value being so so high. Buy low, sell high baby. We pray this axiom pertains to fantasy football. God help us.

Bobby Dukes is back in the news. After screening at the Woodstock Film Fest this past weekend, Ain't It Cool News had this to say about Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story:

Why haven't we heard more about this movie? Please, tell me. [Ed. Note - Because they ain't reading KillTheFuckingBird!!!] Starring Rob Corddry of The Daily Show...

...I had an idea this film was going to be great when it tells Bobby's story over the opening credits, with He Man toys. And not the stupid old new ones, the originals...

...the paintball scenes are fast and furious and I have no idea why this film doesn't have distribution yet. It's a great film and one destined for cult status. Seek it out.

By the way, cradled in the arms of DJ Hazard below is none other than Brant Sersen - the mad genius behind this excellent movie.

I'm a little sick to my stomach this morning. Don't get me wrong - I still believe but nonetheless, this feels like the bends.

The Spanish government has just released actual videos from the tragic train bombing in Atocha, Spain.

It's not so much gory to watch as it is painful and heartbreaking. I'm actually at a loss for words here because this reminds me so much of that tragic day in September 2001.

Quoting from Barcepundit - the source of the videos:

...Later, while police and paramedics where assisting the wounded, there was an alert because somebody thought that another artifact was going to blow up (something that in the end didn't happen, fortunately).

And that's precisely the most unsettling moment, at least the one that impressed me most: seeing all those doctors and policemen leaving the wounded and running away to shield themselves from what they thought was going to be another explosion, leaving the wounded unattended. I just can't imagine what would have been in my mind if I had been one of the people on the floor, with serious injuries, or how helpless I would've felt seeing all these guys running away. On the other hand, of course, I can't judge; fortunately I haven't found myself in such a situation, and it's impossible to know what would be my, or anyone else's, reaction in a moment like that. But as far as I know, the NYFD guys kept going up on the second WTC tower after the first one had already fallen, knowing that it meant they would probably die too: they simply were trying to save as many lives as possible and as long as they could...

Watch the videos if you want at Barcepundit.

Back to debauchery real soon...

He loves them so much he doesn't know what to do with himself. Quoting from the Daily News:

"I and other African-Americans cheered when 9-11 happened,"

"I say that proudly," the Boogie Down Productions founder went on, insisting that, before the attack, security guards kept Blacks out of the World Trade Center "because of the way we talk and dress."

"So when the planes hit the building, we were like, 'Mmmm - justice.' "

"America has to commit suicide if the world is to be a better place."

Quoting from today's NY Times:

Apple Computer Inc.'s fourth-quarter profits more than doubled on strong sales of laptop computers and its popular iPod music players, helping the company notch its highest revenue for the quarter in nine years.

The results released Wednesday easily topped Wall Street's expectations.

The Cupertino, Calif.-based company attributed the successful quarter to robust sales across its product line, namely its iBook and PowerBook computers, its iPod music players and stronger-than-expected results from its retail and education sectors....

UPDATE: "Bear Stearns upgrades AAPL to Outperform and establishes price tgt of $52 following strong results to reflect AAPL's superior execution, strong operating leverage from its high-growth music biz and multiple product cycles and potential for year-end seasonal strength. Firm believes that AAPL is benefiting from leadership in the music biz where it learned from its mistakes in PCs by partnering and opening to Windows, which broadens mkt reach." [via briefing.com]

Two down. Two to go. Who's your da-deeee Pedro? Who is your fazha (pronounce with Dutch accent)?

Z, my apologies if I stole your post. Again. Peas.

The marketing machine has begun it's spin. Page 199. This month's Elle Magazine. Renee Zelladlkfjasdlkfjaler is on the cover. Get it or not. The campaign has begun...

Project Runway is coming soon.

Anyone recall Taser (NASD:TASR)? How could you not? It's that same p.o.s. that if you invested $3,000.00 in May 2003, that $3,000.00 today would be worth a worrisome $234,000!!! No kidding.

In any event, this is the company that produces and manufactures "non-lethal" stun guns that are becoming ever more popular in law enforcement and military applications. Non-lethal you ask? Well according to a report from CBS News today (yeah, I'm thinking Rathergate too but let's go with this story), there are a purported 70 deaths associated with the use of Taser stun guns. DAMN!!! Anyone else got short short short on their minds?

Today is a great day! But it's a little too soon to crack open bottles of Bud and dance in the streets. It's a great start though.

Welcome home to Reverend Sersen Sneed. The Rev. is returning from a month long trek to the other side of the planet. MBFN dude. MBFN. What do you say we grab a jug and get maggot mate?

Two sober drunks make their way into an elevator. They are joined by one of the drunk's neighbors.

The neighbor says "What are you guys doing later?"
Drunk One shrugs "Drinking. Nothing. What's going on neighbor?"
"I'm having a vodka tasting at 6:30 PM. We can use a few more people."

Drunk One looks over at Drunk Two. Drunk Two is smiling ear to fucking ear, as if bewitched. Before answering, Drunk One goes over the potential scenario in his head: he knows the neighbor is a semi-retired marketing/ad exec; he knows the neighbor is also gay (not that there's anything wrong with that); he recalls attending one of the neighbor's Xmas parties with Tabby - picture, if you will, lots of leather, a few ass cheeks sticking out, some shirtless boys and Tabby bitching all of the 20 minutes they were there. Will this be a repeat of the Xmas party Drunk One ponders? Fuck it. Free booze goes a long way in this drunk's book.

"Sure, neighbor, we'll see you at 6:30PM." Drunk One offers.
"Great, we're glad to have a few trendettes coming" quips the neighbor.

Trendettes??? What the fuck are trendettes both drunks are thinking.

So Drunk Two asks "Trendettes? Like hipsters?"

Let it be known that Drunk One and Drunk Two are the furthest thing from hipsterville this side of Houston Street.

"You know, you guys look trendy. Trendettes" defines the neighbor as the elevator stops at his floor and we part ways.

"See you at 6:30."
"See you at 6:30."

Wow, Drunk One and Two cannot believe their luck. Just a few minutes ago, they were pondering their next move - Reservoir, Cedar, the couch? They were all viable options. But who could have imagined this? A vodka tasting falling from heaven onto their laps. Ka-ching motherfucker. Ka-ching.

Fast forward to 6:40PM. The drunk duo arrived "trend-edly" late but not without recourse. They came prepared - an uneaten jar of spicy pickled string beans to go along with the vodka they would be drinking. A table full of white people greet them. They were already 10 minutes into the tasting. The Drunk Duo was caught off-guard. The Duo was still perfectly and frighteningly sober.

The neighbor, who was acting as the Moderator got off his stool and introduced the Drunk Duo as "Russian, professional, vodka aficionados". It is a reputation that has preceded the Duo for many a night out. There were other people buzzing about - men with video cameras swooped down on Drunk One and Two. This tasting, it turns out, was being filmed as part of a marketing study. Lo and behold.

Drunk One and Two were cordially seated next to the Moderator and put on the spot immediately.

"Guys, what's your favorite vodka and why" lisped the Moderator.
"Ketel One" voiced Drunk Two.
"Ketel One. It's smooth. Unlike Absolut, it's not spicy. I come from a Russian household so vodka was pretty much on the table with breakfast. But my parents drank everything from Smirnoff to Finlandia. Finlandia is very nice too." rambled on Drunk One.

The Drunk Duo had yet to bring any of the ice-cold vodkas to their lips. Words stumbled out of Drunk One's mouth at an excruciating pace. Did we mention that Drunk One may or may not have a fear of public speaking? Especially when he may be sober.

The questions kept coming and the Drunk Duo did their best to deflect attention until they could exhaust the seemlingly endless supply of vodka on the table. There were bottles of Ketel One, Grey Goose ("I don't believe in French vodka" exclaimed Drunk One after several glasses), Belvedere, Smirnoff, Stolichnaya, Wyborowa, Luksosowa, and Skyy. And best of all, they had just been taken out of the freezer. This wasn't the standard American household. The semi-retired, gay advertising exec knew how to drink his vodka. God bless his soul.

When the conversation shifted away from Drunk One and Drunk Two, a smile finally passed between them. They were sitting closest to the vodkas but mostly, the icy bottle of Ketel One was their immediate neighbor. Two glasses magically appeared before the Drunk Duo. And as quickly as they could pour them full of Ketel One, they were just as easily emptied. After repeating this process, oh say, half a dozen times, the Drunk Duo was ready to quip and gripe about the state of vodka in New York today.

"What do you think of the Wyborowa vodka?" inquired the Moderator. The question wasn't so much asked of the Drunk Duo but of the entire group of white people.

Drunk Two jumped at the chance to answer this one. "Look at the bottle it comes in," threw out Drunk Two. "It looks like a bottle of perfume. Hello!!! Christian Dior j'adore whatever. There's no way a man would drink that crap. It's way too girly and" - Drunk One was very worried Drunk Two would insult the entire gay community here - "feminine. No way I even bother to taste that solely based on the design of the bottle." Well done Drunk One. Well done indeed. For your reference, the bottle of Wyborowa looks just like a macro bottle of perfume.

This caused a minor stir as the ladies at the tasting replied that the bottle actually appeals to them and blah blah blah. Drunk Two had hit the nail on the head with this one.

After about 20 minutes of this, Drunk One noticed that a few of the tasters were casting more than occasional glances the Duo's way. It wouldn't be too bad if it was just the women checking the Duo out, but some of the male testers were ogling as well. Were we really that handsome mused Drunk One. The answer is a definitive no. There must be another reason why the Drunk Duo became eye fodder. And it dawned on Drunk One that while everyone there was either mixing their drinks with tonic, 7Up, or juice and ice, the Drunk Duo were ceaselessly drinking glass after glass of straight vodka. Trouble was on the horizon.

Sure enough, the daisy chain of vodka shots began to take it's toll on Drunk One and Drunk Two. Drunk Two was first to fall off his stool. When given the first seating option earlier in the evening, Drunk One grabbed the cushy arm chair. The perched stool was left for Drunk Two. Perhaps Drunk One had foresight and knew the stool was dangerous. Perhaps Drunk One was just greedy and a loathesome friend. It didn't matter. Drunk Two had leaned backwards, the momentum of the lean was swift, his feet sailed in the air, barely missing the table and he found himself lying back-down on the Moderator's lush carpet. Instead of rushing to see if his fallen friend was alright, Drunk One cackled and cried. The cameras were still rolling and this tasting was bound to become a comedy of tomfoolery.

Disgraced by his actions and by his overcome-with-laughter friend, Drunk Two stumbled his way back onto the stool but not before he keeled over again and almost took a cameraman down with him. Picture a fallen stool, laying ever so artfully next to a victim of vodka. It was a sight my friends. Things were quickly deteriorating now. A spectacle was brewing.

A few glasses later, the tasting had begun to wrap up. Drunk One was still going on about a question asked 20 minutes earlier (no one was listening at this point). Drunk Two had a starry, far away look in his eyes. The fellow tasters avoided the Drunk Duo much like one would cross the street when approaching a staggering, paper-bag-clutching bum.

The Drunk Duo thought vodka was their good friend. It was also their worst enemy. Sometime in the middle of the night, Drunk One found himself fully dressed and sleeping on the floor of his closet. Drunk Two had spent the nite riding up and down in the elevator, passed out the entire time. Thank goodness Drunk One's neighbors are a jovial bunch.

KTB. Believe it or not.

MSNBC and Thinksecret.com report that the next-gen iPod will pack a 60GB hard drive as well as a 2-inch color liquid crystal display, iPhoto synchronization, audio/video-out capabilities, and will sell for $499.

We can't fucking wait.
[via stereogum]

Tempestuous Italian: I went sky diving this weekend.
Me: Sick dude.
Snickering Irishman: You're still alive. Looks like my dream didn't come true.

Tempestuous Italian shanks Snickering Irishman with his keys. Irishman goes down with key embedded in thigh. Conversation goes on.

Me: How'd you go? Tandem?
Snickering Irishman: Tandem? Were you on top or bottom? Bottom I say. That your favorite part?

Tempestuous Italian glows red and re-shanks Irishman's other thigh.

Who said office life was safe?

A rave review from the Business Section of the NY Post today:

After clothes, money and a car, an iPod is what U.S. teenagers want most this holiday season.

"It was really surprising," Munster said in an interview from his office in Minneapolis. "They didn't say music player. They said iPod. Teens want to be cool, they want their music, and the iPod is a cool way for them to get their music."

Apple is due to release their quarterly earnings per share numbers after the close on Wednesday. Stay tuned.

Calvin's digs

I visited the Just-one in his permanent South Hampton digs. Needless to say, the Just-one has taken kindly to his bucolic surroundings. Plants and agriculture are some of his favorite hobbies now. I saw a variety of beautiful plants (tomatos, peppers, etc.) budding in his backyard. It was a site to see and smell.

The highlight of the day though was driving on the beach on the other side of Dune Road aka Billionaire's Lane. $15 million (on the low end) homes litter the ocean landscape like 40's in the ghetto. All of the houses on the beach are beautiful but one stands out from the bunch. Calvin Klein's Hamptons retreat is just fucking astounding. It's colossal, grandiose and decadent. I've never been invited nor crashed any of Calvin's bashes but I can just imagine all the pretty boys getting it on there. Helllllo Frisco... But seriously, I would totally reconsider my heterosexuality if Calvin wanted to make me his Estate boy-toy. I know Witzy definitely would.

The whole series of Hamptons in October pix is located here.

I've been meaning to post not only these pix but a plethora of pix for a long time now. I will try to get around to post as many as I can in the next few days. Everything from photos of Calvin Klein's Hamptons estate to this series of Providence photos. Bear with me bird hunters. They are a coming.

These pix were taken in and around Providence, Rhode Island in September, 2004. I caught a local Providence festival called something like waterfire or firewater and that's what the first few pix are about.

The next series of pix were all taken around University of Rhode Island in Narragansett (I hope I'm spelling it right). I love the ocean and hope to live right near it someday.

The rest of the Providence pictures are located here.

What do you get when you mix ODB (luv the Dirty One), Freddy Mercury, Milkshakes that bring all the Boys to the yard, Eminem and De La Soul? You get one of the best mash up mixes we've ever heard. The Kleptones have released A Night At The Hip-Hopera and it fucking kicks ASS! Anyone with an mp3 player must download this shit asap. What are you still doing here? Go DOWNLOAD the Kleptones now.
[Thank you very much Scott @ stereogum]

And in other music news, KTB's favorite de facto band of the day, Muse, is coming to NYC on Tuesday, November 9th. They'll be playing at Webster Hall over on East 11th St and 3rd Ave. Yeah, we know Webster Hall is the magnetic true north to the b&t compass but for Muse, we're willing to brave thru the acryllic and Kangol hat wearing Jersey-ites and partake in seeing this excellent Radiohead-esque band from across the Atlantic. Tickets are on sale at ticketweb.com .

Golly gee, I woke up today and remembered I had a website. A website that I've been neglecting like a red-haired stepchild. My bad. I have stumbled and fallen and don't know if I'll have the strength to fully extend and straighten up. We shall see how the day progresses.