KTB

KTB loves accessories. That's why our next purchase is set to be a fine pair of Bull's Balls. Red, blue, pink, black, mocha, champain, brassed or chromed, the seemingly endless variety of balls brings a smile to our face. Easy. Simple. Balls. Gotta love this country.

For your own balls, visit bullsballs.com.

This is interesting: guess what book is #5 on Amazon? If you guessed "Michael Moore is A Big Fat Stupid White Man", you guessed right.

Clinton's book is still #1.
[via instapundit]

Was there some news in the market today? Something about something? We're not really sure. Still working on relieving the morning's hangover here. We're not as young as we once were.

There are some interesting movie previews out in cyberland. First is a horror flick starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. Something about a Grudge. It includes a shower scene where Buffy Sarah - fuck I always do that - gets groped.

The next is a "documentary" called September Tapes. KTB is slightly hungover and can't figure out if this one's a legit documentary or a flick along the lines of Blair Witch. We're leaning towards Blair Witch though. If we weren't so god damned tired, we might even google some research on this but to hell with that. We're going back to the office couch. Liquor is bad kids. Jack D is no longer my friend.

I have found my new anti-venom.

Timmmmmay? Did someboy call Timmy?

Looks like he's been a very busy boy lately.
[via defamer]

Let me set the scene for you. I'm at work. Day is idling by. And then I get this IM:

jizzman (1:37:36 PM): when was the last time u had a wet dream?
me (1:37:42 PM): dude
me (1:37:44 PM): good question
me (1:37:51 PM): been a while
me (1:37:55 PM): few days at least
me (1:37:55 PM): hehehe, nah few yrs prob
jizzman (1:37:57 PM): i just had one last night
me (1:38:00 PM): something like that
me (1:38:04 PM): where was ur gf
jizzman (1:38:10 PM): in the bed with me
me (1:38:14 PM): did she know
jizzman (1:38:18 PM): i was sleeping naked
me (1:38:21 PM): omg
me (1:38:23 PM): the horror
jizzman (1:38:41 PM): i missed spraying her by like 2 inches
jizzman (1:38:45 PM): she didnt know
me (1:38:46 PM): omg. rofl
me (1:38:50 PM): wtf dude. what did u do?
jizzman (1:38:56 PM): dude
jizzman (1:39:01 PM): i banged her before bed
jizzman (1:39:10 PM): and i have no idea what happened
jizzman (1:39:16 PM): i must have been very orny
jizzman (1:39:19 PM): horny
me (1:39:25 PM): dude, who were u dreaming about? not her probably
jizzman (1:39:32 PM): i have no idea
jizzman (1:39:37 PM): dont remember
me (1:39:46 PM): so all u remember is waking up and finding spooge all over urself?
jizzman (1:39:55 PM): no
jizzman (1:40:07 PM): all over the bed, 3 inches from her back
me (1:40:12 PM): LOFL
jizzman (1:40:16 PM): hehehe
me (1:40:31 PM): holy shit. that's good. yucking it up here.
me (1:40:37 PM): so u cleaned up and went to bed?
me (1:40:43 PM): back to bed that is
jizzman (1:40:47 PM): i cleaned up
jizzman (1:40:50 PM): yes
me (1:40:56 PM): where does the cat sleep?
jizzman (1:41:02 PM): with roommie
me (1:41:07 PM): lucky for him
me (1:41:09 PM): the cat i mean....
jizzman (1:41:12 PM): yes
me (1:41:26 PM): both the cat and ur gf dodged a bullet u cud say
jizzman (1:41:33 PM): lol
jizzman (1:41:38 PM): u could say that

Well it's official, the title of the 6th installment in the Harry Potter series is out. "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" is still without a release date but at least fans of the popular series now know the title. Who is the Half Blood Prince? Is it Harry? Is it Ron Weasley? Nobody knows for sure yet. Hell, it could even be dark horse candidate Draco Malfoy (aka Fish in KTB circles).

KTB would like to have seen something along the lines of "Harry Potter and Bang 'Em Smurf" but that was a real longshot.

More on all things Harry Potter at wizarnews.com and jkrowling.com.
BTW, this may be our gayest post ever.
[via gawker]

Christopher Hitchens, a columnist for Vanity Fair, writes a worthwhile review of everyone's favorite movie over at Slate.com. This is a MUST read - especially if you loved the movie.

Hot on the heels of marginally intelligent rapper DumbDumbX's crime spree, news surfaces about one of KTB's favorite rappers - Jay Z - allegedly smacking some bitch up.

OK, so it's not allegedly. A video is out on the HipHopDX website showing Jay Z mushing some female's face backstage at a concert. Come on Jay, you da Jigga man. This shit is for punks like Bang 'Em Smurf and DumbDumbX. You above this shit yo!
[via gawker]

It's been a very charged morning here at KTB headquarters. Let's see what's going on in the marketplace.

Taser International (Nasdaq: TASR) is back at it again folks. Trading at roughly $46 per share, the stock has had a short-crushing runup in the past week. From a price of 25.77 on June 18th, the stock has gained about 20 points in a very short time span. This 20 point move is equivalent to TASR moving 120 points split adjusted (the stock recently split 2 for 1 after initially spliting 3 for 1). Shorts are once again feeling their balls being squeezed in a merciless French vise. How does one say ouch in French? "ooohhh lalala nooooo, nooo"

Other than TASR, it's been a relatively quiet morning. With the impending Fed announcement this week and the long holiday weekend, trading should be off a few notches.

I just puked up my breakfast. You may too after reading this news story from Iran. This is just fucked.

KTB is not very fond of documentary film maker Michael Moore. In fact, KTB downright dislikes Michael Moore but that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is a little known bit of legislation - the McCain-Feingold campaign finance law. The McCain-Feingold campaign finance law placed unprecedented restricions on the free speech rights of individuals across America.

It is now illegal for a group of individuals to pool their resources and put out televised promotional material supporting a candidate in the presidential election. The point of the law was to try to limit advocacy groups from swaying the election by bringing attention to any and all issues.

Unfortunately, there is a loophole to the law. Although traditional advertising is regulated under this law, documentary film making is not. What that means is that heavyset liberal film makers are allowed and able to put their promotional material out with nare a glance from regulators. Don't get me wrong, KTB relishes free speech (have you seen this site on a regular basis) but KTB doesn't relish the fact that the tubby film maker in question is able to sway elections while the real average Joe (you and I, not Adam Mesh) does not have access to the same liberal Hollywood distribution channels. If KTB and Pigger put some funds together to try to show Hanoi Kerry's hatred of all things U.S., it would be illegal. Our speech is restricted and governed by law.

KTB has no plans of seeing this fat gentlemen's film. KTB can think of dozens of other things to do instead of lining the big guy's pockets. What KTB will do is offer a few worthy links documenting the plethora of lies, lies and more lies that the round movieman employed in several of his earlier feature films. Trust me when I say that the lies are too numerous to cut and paste here.

Truth about Bowling
Moore Exposed
Moore Lies
Michael Moore Hates America

One movie that KTB is looking forward to is the documentary Michael Moore Hates America. Although KTB is not crazy about the title, the movie's trailers show much promise. GO HERE to see the trailers.

In closing, KTB would like to share a quote found on the obese guy's website written on April 4th, 2004:

""The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or "terrorists" or "The Enemy." They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win."

" I'm sorry, but the majority of Americans supported this war once it began and, sadly, that majority must now sacrifice their children until enough blood has been let that maybe -- just maybe -- God and the Iraqi people will forgive us in the end. "

"Yesterday, Michael Moore released a film (and updated his website with a "how can you help the troops" page) in which he claims to express sympathy for US troops. But just two months ago, he called for their opposition to beat them, and then furthermore stated that more troops should be sent over to Iraq to punish us for supporting the war. If you've seen the film, these statements should appear in stark contrast to the fake, empty sympathy Moore claims to express on behalf of our armed forces.

Michael Moore is a shamefully disgusting hypocrite who earns money from the blood of dead US soldiers while he claims to support them. As you watch his 'hilarious' polemic over this weekend, never, ever, ever forget that."

Photo at top of post taken courtesty of mooreexposed.com.

Infamous rapper DMX was busted at JFK Airport yesterday while trying to steal a car. DMX and a homie of his were apprehended by police while arguing with the car's owner about some shit. When the police pulled up, DMX insisted that he was an FBI agent.

KTB's always known that DMX was never the brightest bulb in the shed but this just defies logic. KTB would like to take this opportunity to rename this short on intelligence rapper. Instead of DMX, KTB thinks DumbDumbX is a much more appropriate and reflective name.

DumbDumbX is charged with attempted robbery, criminal mischief and criminal impersonation. There were (surprisingly) no weapons or drugs reported. KTB is a little shocked by this but this just furthers the reasoning behind DumbDumbX's renaming. How are you gonna steal a car and not bring a few weapons with you? Oh that wily DumbDumbX.

DumbDumbX has had numerous runins with the law, including gun charges, assault raps and a rape allegation. It seems that DumbDumbX cannot stay out of trouble.

KTB's advice to DumbDumbX is to fork over all the money he's made from his rapping and acting careers and let KTB kick him in the balls. Things would be much easier for DumbDumbX this way.

I come home. I'm drunk. I put on my powerbook, check the email, log on to iChat. Normal routine.

Then I get a funny IM. Someone I've never IMed with before. I click Accept. My mistake.

"Do you want to shag" he types
Then his pic pops up:

He's so hip.

Calgon, take me away.

Ghetto Olsen Twins
via [planet dan]

In other linkworthy news, this advice to Igor (an off the boat hairstylist) is priceless. Read the whole thing.

This looks like something KTB would have written:

Jessica Simpson's sister, Ashlee, used to have quite a beak. However, after having her bridge worked on, she's looking more pretty and streamlined.

Ever take a flight and suddenly feel the urge to engage in a quickie cyber-sex session? Well now you can folks. Thanks to Apple's iChat AV and wifi broadband offered on several Lufthansa flights, it's not very difficult to spooge all over your screen during a lengthy flight.

All it takes is iChat AV, iSight, and a Powerbook or iBook of choice and you're well on your way baby.

KTB loves the potential for this technology and KTB loves even more the fact that Apple products are gaining a foothold in the stratosphere. Apple's stock is currently trading at 33.45 off a 52 week high of 33.83. KTB has been a fan of Apple's stock since it was trading at 18. Go Apple.

via [memefirst]

Ladies and gentlemen, it is exactly one year ago today that several unspeakable crimes took place in a New York City loft. Crimes that to this day have gone unchecked and unpunished.

Twas the birthday of a little fellow. A little fellow who drank too much and whose friends aren't really friends at all. No, these so called friends are cannibals and betrayers of the highest degree.

This certain little fellow began celebrating his 20-something-th birthday by downing much more Kettle One than was necessary. It was still early in the evening. Twilight had yet to say goodbye. But the demons had been set in motion. Vodka poured like the Niagara and the little fellow took it all in.

With the setting sun, so did our little fellow sink under the horizon. It was not a pretty sight. Here was a grown little fellow, unable to speak or move, lying face down in a foreign bed in a foreign place. All motor skills had ceased functioning. One could have had their way with the little fellow. One could have been very cruel and evil with the defenseless little fellow indeed. A new gimp could have been born right there and then. Needless to say, a new gimpy little fellow was born that night.

The following pictures portray mankind at it's most evil bearing. The personification of all that is wicked is brought to the screen by the camera. Children and old people take note, this is not for the faint of eye. The following scenes are gruesome, attrocious, and appalling.

Once again, KTB extends a warning to the general viewership. The following videos depict wild animals in unruly and nauseating acts. Please sit back and enjoy the show.

Video 1
Video 2
Video 3

In case the videos don't display on your monitor, you may be missing Apple Quicktime. Get it. Get it now.

This is sounding more and more like a Britney Spears song but fuck, they did it again! Fresh off their victory at Lake Placid, the crew behind Blackballed The Bobby Dukes Story walked away with their third successive film festival award.

This past weekend, at the Oxford Film Festival in Oxford, Mississippi (they watch movies down there??? Go figure), the prestigious Narrative and Audience Choice awards were bestowed upon Blackballed The Bobby Dukes Story. The film chronicles the life of paintball's first superstar Bobby Dukes (played by the Daily Show's Rob Corddry); his fall from grace; and his subsequent rise back to the top.

Big ups to Brant Sersen and Brian Steinberg, the creative geniuses behind this movie.

KTB is really excited to finally get a chance to see this movie on the big screen. Guys, when will it be in theatres everywhere already? The movie's awesome. People need to see it!

KTB doesn't have many famous friends. In fact, if any of KTB's friends have earned a shred of fame, it's only because of police reports, court summonses and the occasional sexual harrassment rap. KTB's friends on average are sub-par, vile, self-destructive mongrels (ie. Pigger, Tabby, Don Giovanni, Black Cloud, Witzy, Mr. Poo, the list goes on and on).

But one of KTB's friends is out there trying to do some good. Yoel Silber, (pictured at right with Kanye West) who runs promtix.com - a New York City based after prom promotions company - got an incredible write up in Wednesday's USA Today. Yeah, I know, what the fuck is USA Today all you New York centric elitists are asking. I couldn't even find a copy at my local newstand this morning. But outside the city limits, it turns out that people actually read this rag. A compendium of national, semi-local and world news is it's m.o.

Getting back to Yoel, the USA Today article discusses the after prom market in New York.

"For this year's six-week season ending late June, Promtix estimates it will draw 30,000 to 40,000 kids from more than 2,000 schools to dance to up-and-coming rock and hip-hop artists and swill soda for $40 to $60 a ticket.

...No matter. "This is their night," says Silber, 28. For many, it's their first time in a club. "The prom is the biggest event in a teenager's life. It's their Super Bowl."

Click here to see the entire USA Today article.

Demi's boytoy Ashton Kutcher is said to be the father. No word yet if they'll marry to save the child from bastardy.

From A Fly On The Wall regarding Demi's supposed pregnancy via the stroke of Ashton. She's been s'punk'd reports Defamer.

Today's Page Six asks a beguiling question:

WHICH Hamptons nightclub lost its celebrity chef and isn't really serving food this summer? Ex-staffers say the owners aren't interested in eating. They get runny noses every night about 11 p.m. Allergies, you know.

As for the answer to their question, KTB will have to refer to our in-house Hamptons analyst - Pepe. Eurotrashy Pepe is still sleeping off his Monday night boozefest. Pepe, get your ass up dude. The people want to know!

Update: As per Pepe's report: my receptionist is friends with one of the managers at the star room. and it is the only nightclub to claim to have a celebrity chef (past few summers) and i don't think any one else ever claimed to have a chef. the new dragonbar serves food though, or maybe not. still inspecting.

Update: Pepe is speaking alot more freely after his 2nd cup of coffee this morning: i'll see if i can do an expose and get you fine peeholes of the hamptons. but i will say this: the best place ever to pack your beak in the hamptons was (maybe still is, haven't been this year) is the outdoor VIP room at the tavern. if you are in the know, or are in a blinding drunken stupor, which if you read KTB you are at least once a week, and you squeeze by the VIP toilets (ladies suck in your tummies) and go behind them, you've got virtually 8 square feet of private space, surrounded by an 8' stockade fence. i have heard of more than just beak packing going on back there, hmmmmm verrrrrry romantic.

KTB laudingly thanks Pepe's efforts to gather dirt on this developing story. KTB sincerely hopes that Pepe's rusted and corroded septum gets better soon.

A man can dream right?

Name: Anna "I only snack on caviar" Anisimova
Occupation: Russian Heiress
Recent Expenditures of Note:

$550,000 to rent Denise Rich's Hampton house for the summer.
$15m apartment in the Time Warner Center.
$23m digs in Meatpacking District bought from Diane von Furstenberg.

Oh the glory of being young, rich and beautiful. Tabby, I think I may have found your wife. Let's pray she feels about you the same as you feel about her.

By the way, I've googled her name to death and still can't find any picture of her whatsoever. Does anyone know what this chick actually looks like?

My buddy JCB sends his greetings and regards to us poor saps draining away in the humid New York summer. JCB writes from the coastal town of Santa Barbara, CA. MBFN dude. MBFN.

Kindly send my love to Landon and the boys. I am coming out. When? I don't know but I am definitely coming out.

Starting today, Summer Restaurant Week 2004 is in full swing. Top New York City restaurants will be serving three-course lunches for $20.12 and three-course dinners for $30.12 to show support for New York's Bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games.

This is a great deal for all New York City chowhounds.

Notable restaurants that are participating include: Craft, Gramercy Tavern, Il Buco (KTB's favorite NYC haunt), L'Impero, Pipa, Tabla, and Union Sq. Cafe.

To see the entire list or to make reservations go to opentable.com.

Rap. That's right. Rap. Hip Hop. R&B. Call it what you want but the genre carries far. I don't mean in the escape from the hood kind of far either. I mean the kind of far that is able to penetrate your German triple pane windows and beseech even the quietest of nooks in your apartment.

That group of people that you see in the top of the pic below - those are tourists and gawkers staring at a group of break dancers doing their thing. I have no problem with their thing. None at all. In fact, I find myself snapping shots of them quite often. But damn does their music carry far.

In a nutshell, my New York City view is rap. The breakers are breaking and I'm able to make out every nuance of the lyrics. Kill. Whitey. Bitch. Ho. The inescapable chorus floats above the street like a magic carpet. A magic carpet with 22 inch chrome plated rims that is. I'm not complaining though. I could be living on the UES...

JCB, when am I getting some pix of the beach?

New Jersey son Richard Johnson was beheaded by his captors in Saudi Arabia today Arab TV is reporting.

I would just like ONE thing. One measly little newstory is all I'm asking for. I challenge anyone to show me a newstory chronicling any Arab or Muslim outrage regarding this horrific, murdererous crime. Please, is anyone listening? For all the shit that the US got because of a couple of perverts at Abu Ghraib, I would like to see some scorn from the greater Muslim community. How is this justified? Why are they not as outraged as me about this fucking crime?

So please, if anyone out there has a link for me, please send it along. I'm terribly curious about this.

Brit: I think I love him. No, I know I love him.
Evil: Does he complete you?
Brit: He had me at what's up esse (Ed. Note - pronounced essay with an emphasis on the ayyyyy).
Evil: Then go for it Brit. Take the plunge. The water's great down below.

She's doing it all over again folks.
via [stereogum] again...

Brit: Hey guys, I sprained my ankle and the doctors gave me this funky casty thingy for my leggy. Ouch, it really hurts. My big boo boo. Whatever shall I do?
Evil: Why don't you don your skankiest set of Daisy Dukes shorts and match 'em up with a stylish pair of Ugggs? I think you'll look and feel much better.
Brit: Heeee heee heee. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks Evil.
Evil: Anytime Brit. Also, tell Kevin to put on his GET FUCKED tee shirt and his extra long shorts. The Chicano gangster look is his thing you know. He's soooo koooool
Brit: You're the best Evil. I luv you.

Who knew they would really listen to me?
Photo via stereogum

The Black Cloud sent KTB a lovely text message this afternoon:

Full of rage. Want to kill. Don't care what color or if friend or foe. Just waiting for someone to bump into me.

KTB suggests Mr. Cloud take a chill pill. Take a few chill pills. Harboring such rage will only bring harm and more injustice. What Mr. Cloud needs is a good rolfing session. Can anyone recommend a good rolfer for the Cloud?

Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau and talk show host Montel Williams have joined forces in the name of legalizing marijuana. Their cause is for medical marijuana but KTB believes that is just a stepping stone to wider use - which is a good thing.

It's been a few years since KTB has lit up a spliff but KTB does endorse responsible recreational marijuana use.

And KTB happens to be a shareholder of Amigula Inc. (Nasdaq Pinksheets: AMJL). Amigula is the world's first publicly traded medical marijuana company based out of Ontario, Canada. Go Weed!

[via Gothamist]

Cyberonics (Nasdaq: CYBX) is poised to open up at least 14 points higher as the FDA approves, by a vote of 5 to 2, in favor of granting the company's PMA application. What does that mean exactly? Who cares. What I know is that there are currently 3.2 million shares short. My non-wall street brethren should know that that means that traders are betting, and betting big, that CYBX shares were poised to go lower. Much lower in fact.

Well, when the masses all bet on the same outcome, we all know what happens (Ed. Note - See Lakers, Smarty Jones, Calgary Flames)...

As of this writing (827AM EST), the stock is trading at 35 up a measly 15 points. What exactly are the short sellers feeling? Besides being down $48 million before the market even opens, shorts are feeling tremendous pangs of nausea, murderous rage, convulsing sentiment that private school is no longer an option for the parasitic kids, sheer hatred at the wife who spends way too much, and deep, dark gloom. It's alot easier to lose it than it is to make it and this loss kicks 'em where it really hurts - in the wallet.

KTB feels sorry and remorse for the shorts. Hell, KTB's even been there himself a few times (anyone remember Expedia?). If any shorts are in need of a drink or a few drinks, send an email. KTB would be glad to lessen your pain.

Battered and bruised, my good friend Black Cloud lay bed-ridden in Good Samaritan hospital tonight. He was rear ended while riding his motorcycle up in the normally bucolic back roads of Rockland.

The Cloud was idling at a cross road. The light was red. And literally out of nowhere, a Jeep Cherokee ran into his rear and flipped the Cloud backwards off his bike. Thankfully, the Cloud is just a little banged up. Nothing worse than your run of the mill Midwestern housewife. His bike, on the other hand, is a total loss. It was such a nice bike too. A BMW 650 GS Dakkar model. I was there when he bought her. He named her Debbie. Hell, I even lent him his $500 deposit (which I still haven't gotten back to this day - fucking Cloud). KTB finds it ironic that Debbie is now dead while the Cloud lives to tell his tale. Ironic in a good way though.

Luckily, the Cloud was thoughtful enough to snap some shots of the crime scene. KTB has those exclusive photos as well as Cloud's text message sent to my phone:

Bmw in worse shape than me thank god. Rear ended by filthy mexican while stopped at red light. At hospital now. I think ill live. Waiting to get checked out.

The Cloud is seeking any and all charity he can get from this case. Please email for his Paypal wire instructions. Help the Black Cloud out people. He's a mess.

I got this email in my Google account today:

Hi,
I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall, but
I wanted to ask if perhaps you had an invitation for a
Gmail account that you could give me? I don't want to
sell it, I just want to stop having to deal with
Yahoo's dinky storage. I'm sure you can understand.
Thanks,
******

Go 50, it's your birthday, you gonna party like it's your birthday...
Bullet riddled rapper 50 Cent (pronounced fitty) started some straight up gangsta shit at Hot 97's Summer Jam at Giants Stadium on Saturday. Big ups 50.

First 50 aired a video onstage that ridiculed Lil' Kim, Ja Rule, Ashanti and Joe Budden. Who da, who da fuck is Joe Budden? Big ups 50.

Then 50 and his G-Unit posse got into a pushing match (scrum as the Post calls it) with Bang 'Em Smurf and his Silberback Guerrilaz crew. Bang 'Em Smurf??? Silberback Guerrilaz??? Are you kidding me? I got 50 Cent at 100 to 1 kicking the shit out someone named Bang 'Em Smurf. Where do they get these monikers? And would you really be scared of someone named Bang 'Em Smurf?
Googling the word "Smurf" led me to this definition:

The Smurfs are tiny, blue creatures who live in mushroom houses in a village hidden in the forest. Smurfs are blue, and three-apples tall.

Dear Mr. Smurf, how about you change your name to something really frightening - something along the lines of Rosey Midget, Killah Munchkin, or Crazy Ass Dwarf.
Big ups 50.

50's piece de resistance came when he performed to an R. Kelly tune. Instead of singing "I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind", 50 changed the lyrics to, "I don't see nothing wrong with urinating on little girls" referencing the now infamous R. Kelly peepee video. You bad, bad boy Mr. Kelly. What are you going to do now? Fart on 50? Big ups 50.

And I'm still trying to get over Bang 'Em Smurf. Seriously, somebody in the hip hop community needs a lobotomy. Big time. Big ups 50.

PS. If posting on KTB suddenly stops in the next few days. That can only mean one thing: Bang 'Em Smurf and his posse of Smurfette Guerrilaz has come to take me away. I can only pray that Papa Smurf is lenient on me. Oh woe is me.

I currently have a Yahoo! Mail Plus account which I use as my primary email. The Mail Plus account costs me about $20 year (something like that) and was originally good for 25MB of email. This morning, upon checking my Yahoo mail, I noticed a new look and something else. Two GB of data!!! Yahoo, in its quest to outdo its main rival Google, has upped the ante to 2GB of storage for their premier users.

As for the standard free Yahoo Mail account, it looks like it's also been upgraded. It was originally good for either 3 or 6 MB of storage. As of now, it's good for a whopping 100MB. It's free and it's not bad. It's not a gig but it's not bad.

Then again, the Google email account is good for 1GB of data and it's free. Just something to keep in mind.

It's Monday and summer trading is here. There's nothing and I mean nothing to do at work. It's also a little too soon and early in the day to start drinking. Yes, even for me. What to do, what to do?

I may catch an afternoon showing of Bukowski over at the Cinema Village theatre. Unless anyone has any better suggestions.

My friends are officially blood klots.

Due to severe threats and promises of acts of extreme physical duress, the photo that was displayed here has been removed. I'm sorry.

It doesn't end there unfortunately.

Quicktime and speakers are required for this. NSFW.
Listen to this stinking message from one Pigger to another. It's a big file but worth the download wait.

Hipsters, the scene setting, trucker hat sporting, denizens of the Lower East Side and Williamsburg went on a rampage over the weekend. Reports of battered PBR cans and shredded Nike vintage hightops littered the scene after the trouble makers made their rounds.

It was only when the hipsters ran into a group of gorillas at the Delancey Club that their disorderly behavior was put to a stop. The gorillas pounced and wailed on the long haired freaks. I'm sorry Geekinger, next time you go out, please behave!

Photos courtesy of Tom Seelie.
[via gawker]

It turns out that KTB wasn't the only mongrel with a camera handy at last week's beer tasting at Loreley Biergarden.

While browsing through the Dining Out section of today's Times, I discovered that Loreley is profiled under the $25 And Under headline. Cool was my first thought. Here's a great restaurant with good food and excellent beer and I just happened to have made a fool of myself there last week. Excellent.

And upon further inspection of the review penned by Julia Moskin, I notice that there is a photograph embedded with the article. If my alcohol severed memory serves me at all, I do recall that a shutterbug happened to be at Loreley the same night as myself and he was snapping off shots in my general direction. It's a fuzzy sort of image but my memory insists. How can I argue?

And upon an even further inspection of the photograph, guess what I notice? Holy fucksakes, they got me and some of my boys in there. Right there on page F10 or at the Times website, floats a scary image of KTB and co. getting ready to tie one on. Who would have thought the old Grey Lady would have sunk to such levels? It must be KTB's lucky day.

I find it very ironic that we are the Times' posterboys for Loreley. Especially since my mature friends and I are probably no longer welcome back there.

From today's New York Post:

" Police last night were able to identify the body of a woman whose strangled corpse was found crammed in a small trunk abandoned on an East Village street

The killer stuffed her body into the trunk and left it near a vacant lot on East 13th Street near Third Avenue.

Cops identified the woman through her fingerprints -- her arrest record includes arrests for drugs and theft, cops said -- but her name was being withheld until her family is notified, sources told The Post.

She said cops described the victim as being between 25 and 40 years old with medium-length dark hair.

The woman also had a tattoo with the name "Nikia" on her body, sources said yesterday. "

Brant Sersen's first feature film Blackballed, The Bobby Dukes Story just came back from the Lake Placid Film Festival winning the prestigious Special Jury Prize Award. The film chronicles the life of paintball's first superstar Bobby Dukes (played by the Daily Show's Rob Corddry); his fall from grace; and his subsequent rise back to the top.

This was Blackballed's second film fest and so far, the movie has won awards at both of its respective festivals. Two for two baby. Blackballed's first award was the Audience Choice Award at South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival.

Blackballed is scheduled to show at the Atlanta Film Festival June 11 - 20, and Oxford Film Festival June 17 - 20.

In case you haven't yet seen the trailer, click HERE.

Hey Mr. Cloud, is this your CL post:

I SEEK YOUNG ASIAN or LATINA FULL-SERVICE INCALL IN MANHATTAN UNDER $100 per Hour (or as close to that as possible). This is ONLY avaliable to those who can make a TRADE FOR WHAT I SEEK or BETTER!

Will Trade Information on Very Affordable Incall in Manhattan!

1) Most times if you are good at negotiating you can get fs for 60-80-100, they will ask 100-120-150. If your real good you can get fs for 40 or twice like myself I have gotten FS for free.
3) 9th Avenue, Penn Station, Cozy, mid-town members only lounge (3 days a week): they have about a dozen girls. No pressure to spend money or make a choice. White, Asian, Latina and Black. You can play with all of them before you make your choice.
5) Several Super, Super Affordable NYC FS Incall Spot's ($40/$50/$80/$100).
Yes such places still do exist. I can only passed this info on to only a few selected seekers.

pigger (10:07:43 AM): ehehhehe haar haar haar haaar
pigger (10:08:36 AM): osip is the most fucking nutty stock out there
me (10:08:41 AM): aapl new highs biyatch
pigger (10:09:11 AM): osip just rallied a buck
pigger (10:09:26 AM): fucking pain in the ass getting out of that one gives me hemorrohids
me (10:09:59 AM): u already have hemorrhoids
pigger (10:11:38 AM): i iknow but they are worse now out of osip here

The New York Post reports this morning:

"A homeless man made a gruesome discovery yesterday when he tried to take an abandoned trunk off an East Village sidewalk."

"...the man opened it up -- and discovered a dead woman stuffed inside, cops said."

" Neighbors said the trunk had been there since the previous night."

"Cops took away a bloody towel they found in a box of newspapers about 15 feet away and are trying to determine if it was related to the death. "

Just when you thought it was safe to foray in the Union Square/East Village neighborhood, another shocking crime surfaces.

The word on the street is that a dead body was discovered in a dumpster on East 13th Street between 3rd and 2nd Avenues. Immediately adjacent to the vacant lot that litters the block, the NYPD had a crew of officers searching for clues and any additional info.

The NYPD had 13th Street closed off between 2nd and 3rd Avenues. KTB's first reaction was one of annoyance and nuisance when the cab had to go two extra blocks south to cut over to KTB's home. But KTB's journalistic libido swung into high gear. An investigation was underway....

The officer barracading the street was kind enough to answer a few questions. This is what KTB gathered: a dead body was discovered in one of the dumpsters and the police were searching for more clues, bodies, whathaveyou.

KTB is not really known for it's in-depth, investigative reporting. If you want that stuff, go to New York Times Drudge.

Pictures of the crime scene are below.

More on this story as it develops.

UPDATE: The NY Post has some additional info here.

Smile damnit

A warm spot

This is what the street really looked like to me

Mini's second victim lies beaten down

The rest of the pix are here.

Photos from last nite's beer fest will be posted sometime later today or tomorrow. It all depends on how long this hangover lasts.

Typing feels like my fingers are being pricked with needles. Left is right and up is down. I have no sense of direction. Sleeping is no longer possible. The spins have set in. I am spiraling.

A brief recap of last nite -

Mr. Poo used dinner plates as if they were bar coasters. Relics of what were once Loreley's finest dinnerware littered the garden around our table.
Mini was back in old-skool form. His first victim was a fine looking dancer. His last victim was a life-size metal waiter used to keep the front door open.
Izzy didn't smile once.
Jaegermeister flowed like the Danube.
Karsten (the genius behind rustypenny.com) shanked me, Izzy, a waitress, 2 female passerbys and the table repeatedly.
Mr. Poo created the shank for Karsten after defiling the silverware provided.
If Tabby was there, he would have been punched in the face. Again.
If Pigger was there, he would have been kicked in the balls. Again.
Sweet-P was relatively well behaved. Surprisingly.
The rest is a blur.

Howard Stern needs you to keep him on the air. As of today, he's giving himself one month before he calls it quits under the new Viacom regime.

How can you help keep him on the air you're wondering? By being in an orgy, that's how! The linked CL post claims to be in search of women:

We expect the competition to be fierce so send us your best photo. You must be between the ages of 18 and 28 and we will be scanning ID's. The orgy will take place at an undisclosed location in NYC based on the schedule of all the participants. You will be required to appear on the Howard Stern Show and discuss all the gritty details! :)

Add this to your calendar.

Beertasting Party at Loreley

Wednesday, June 2, 2004
7 pm - 10 pm

I'm so there.

To purchase tickets, go to the lorely website.

Lorely Restaurant & Biergarten is located at 7 Rivington Street between Bowery and Chrystie Street.

But the question remains: WILL SHE SLEEP WITH TABBY?

Number of people I've slept with: 36
Number of one-night stands: 11
How many were women: 1
How many I regret: 4
Number of times I had sex with one person while thinking about another: 2
Number of guys I slept with who were musicians: 9
Number of lead singers: 3
Number of guys who were musicians who I met after one of their shows: 3
Number of high school teachers: 2
Number of professional snowboarders: 1
Number of times sex turned into a relationship: 5
...

Instead of just linking to the following story, I've decided to copy and paste it in its entirety. It's a translation of an interview of a Polish Jew who survived through the Warsaw ghetto and his take on the situation in Iraq.

Read it. Read the whole interview. And please, no Polish jokes.

Marek Edelman is the last surviving military leader of the heroic Jewish Uprising in the Warsaw Ghetto in 1943. He recently spoke to a Polish television channel TVN24, and the interview has been re-published in a Polish weekly "Przekroj". It's not available anywhere else in English (or for that matter electronically), so I take this opportunity to translate and publish extensive excerpts from the interview. Edelman experienced evil many times in his long and distinguished life; he has also faced it and fought it bravely. What he has to say bears listening to.

Interviewer: Not a day seems to go by in Iraq without a terrorist attack, and in the last few days two Polish soldiers and a Polish journalist have died.

Edelman: And do you know any war where nobody dies? I don't. Alas, it's in man's make-up; there's a fatal flow there that makes him kill, for pleasure or over some silly beliefs.

Interviewer: So this war is one over some silly beliefs?

Edelman: Now, now. Who started killing people? Americans didn't invade a wonderful democratic Iraq. There was a dictatorship there, torture, terror.

Interviewer: But there are people who say it's not our business.

Edelman: And whose business is it? Every war with fascism is our business. In 1939 there were also many people who said that the war in Poland was not their war, and what happened? Great nations fell because politicians listened to those who were saying that it's not worth dying for Gdansk [Danzig]. If only we'd intervened militarily after Hitler re-entered Rhineland we probably would not have had the war and the Holocaust.

Interviewer: Many people do understand that, but they don't understand why the Americans have to go to the other side of the world and fight over Iraq now.

Edelman: And why did they go to Europe then? Who defeated Hitler and saved Europe from fascism? The French? No, the Americans did. We thanked them then because they saved us. Today we criticise them because they're saving somebody else.

Interviewer: Returning to the question about having Polish soldier on the ground in Iraq. Many Poles don't want them there.

Edelman: If they don't want them there, let's just keep waiting and then let's see from which direction the rockets and the bombs will come from - will we in the end be lorded over by Saddam's viceroys or Bin Laden's, just as we were once lorded over by Hitler's viceroys.

Interviewer: Do you really believe in such a scenario?

Edelman: It's possible. If we will keep closing our eyes to evil, then that evil will defeat us tomorrow. Unfortunately there's more hatred in men than love. Those who murder understand only force and nothing else. And the only force that is able to stand against them is the American democracy.

Interviewer: But the Americans aren't going too well with introducing democracy in Iraq.

Edelman: That's true, but it's a difficult war. The Second World War went for five years. Democracy tends to be structurally weak. Dictatorship is strong. Hitler was able to mobilise several million people and chase another few million into gas chambers or slave labour. But only democracy saves the humanity and saves millions of lives. The more I see people getting murdered the more I believe that we need to put a stop to that. The murderers understand only deeds.

Interviewer: What about the photos from Abu Ghraib - don't they cause you to start question that American democracy?

Edelman: Well, it happened. Among several hundred thousand American soldiers there were a few perverts...

Interviewer: But the incident nevertheless seriously damaged America's standing. What to say to Polish people after the death of several more of our soldiers?

Edelman: But they died fighting for their freedom. How many thousands of people died in the Warsaw Uprising [in 1944]?

Interviewer: But those people then were fighting for their country.

Edelman: They were fighting for their world. Free and democratic. Just like those who died during the martial law [in Poland in 1981-3]. Did they die only for Poland? No. They died for the freedom of the whole Europe, for the freedom of all those enslaved behind the Iron Curtain.

Interviewer: But the Spanish withdrew their troops from Iraq after the terrorist attack in Madrid.

Edelman: Please don't tell me what the Spanish did. So what? Do you seriously think that it will save them from further attacks? No. The weak just get punched in the head. Pacifism lost a long time ago.

Interviewer: There are more and more voices saying that Poland shouldn't work so close with the Americans and that instead we should get closer to France and Germany.

Edelman: France used to be a great power, culturally and intellectually. And what happened to them? They didn't want to fight for their own democracy, they thought it wasn't really their war [in 1939]. And they lost everything, because when you bend over and take it - even once - then you're finished. And what's that whole talk about the difference between American politics and European politics? There is no other politics but international democratic politics. If we withdraw from Iraq now, what do we have left? Cosying up to Iran and Saudi Arabia? ...

Interviewer: Is it possible to introduce democracy by force?

Edelman: Yugoslavia showed that it's possible...

Interviewer: You used your own personal history and your moral authority to appeal for the intervention then.

Edelman: Yes... Those who say that you don't have to fight for freedom, don't understand what fascism is. I do.

Turbulent times call for dramatic decisions. It is with this in mind that I proceeded to polish off most of a bottle of Chivas Regal all by my lonesome self last evening. What can a tired and weary soul do? Succumb to the pressures and fail or rise up to the challenge and imbibe. I chose the latter. I imbibed and didn't look back once.

You may be wondering what the fuck I'm talking about here. Fuck, I'm wondering what the fuck I'm talking about here. I think it has something to do with being TIRED. Just TIRED. I mean really, fucking, wholeheartedly TIRED. Even a blasse phone-call to local snow-man Timmy would not have given me the pick up that I needed.

No my friends. Scotch. Brown liquor. The dirty stuff. I guzzled. I gulped and I swilled till I could see no more. Hank Bukowski would have been proud. Good old Papa himself.

And when I awoke, I awoke a new man. My black cloud had been lifted. Bulger was off in Vermont and I felt much the recovered patient for it.

That was the case until I bought a new digital camera today. Yeah, I went and blew $600 on a brand new 5 megapixel Canon Elph. I lost my old Canon Powershot S50 a few weeks ago and after extensively searching for it everywhere, I'd decided to go and finally get a replacement. Well what do you know. I got the Elph. I took some shots and they looked fine. I came home and guess what? I found the fucking S50. Tucked neatly behind some books of mine, the S50 had found a new home by my new cleaning lady. Death to her!!! My rich, elitist, snob ass is going to fire her next chance I can. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No, first I'll get drunk, then I'll fire her. A scene right out of Arthur.