KTB

The Russians are coming. Better hide your vodka.
A sad piece of news here. Creator of MTV's Real World and Road Rules, Mary Ellis Bunim has passed away.
Still no superbowl plans? Check out Gawker's anti-superbowl suggestions.

Superbowl, oh superbowl.

Where would mankind be without our wonderful Superbowl? In case you don't already have plans, NY Mag has some decent suggestions. My personal preference is that famous bra-collector Jeremy's Ale House.

On a different note, beware of exploding sperm whales. You don't want to be walking around with spunk all over your chin.

Wow. I'm hurting right now. It's 8 AM. I'm at work. I don't feel so great.

As for the power outage here, we're still marginal. The computers are working fine but we have no light in here. It's all very 1984-like when you look across the trading floor and you see nothing but the circuitous glimmer of dozens of computer monitors.

I went out with my friend Tab last night. We went to One. This is my new Thursday happy hour scene. Not only is One within walking distance of my apt but it turns out to be a pretty swank place too. Tab was out of control. After swilling multiple vodka tonics, Tab was in a fiesty little mood. His first target was one of the bouncers. The conversation went something like this:

Tab: "Do you party?"
Bouncer: "What do you mean party?"
Tab: "You look like you party buddy."
Bouncer: "Nah, I don't party."
Tab: "Buddy, you gotta fuck bitches and party."
Bouncer: "Women are good."
Tab: "I want to party. You know where I can party tonight?"

This went on for several minutes before I pulled the little reveler away.

As I write this, more and more of the night is coming back to me. I just recalled that Tab stole a bottle of red wine right off the bar. While the barkeep's back was turned, little Tabby's sticky Russian fingers swiped the bottle. Under the bar it went and stayed for safekeeping while we drank our v.t.'s. The sight of Tab and I drinking this bottle like it was a 40 of St. Ides must have made quite an impression on our neighboring patrons. When a waitress asked Tabby if he wanted wine glasses with his bottle, he scolded her and informed her that he paid $180 for the bottle and he'll drink it however he wants. Gulp, gulp, gulp.

I think it was sometime after the bottle was downed that Tabby got himself into quite a confrontation with a well built bar patron. I believe it started like this:
1. Tall 6 foot plus woman walks into One.
2. Tabby immediately grabs her and tells her she looks hot. Solicits her for sex right there.
3. She runs.
4. Seeing a bouncer, she informs him that she's been violated.
5. Bouncer warns Tab.
6. Tab, feeling slighted, marches thru crowded bar like he's Moses.
7. Tab/Moses bumps into several people.
8. Hefty gentleman takes offense.
9. Hefty gets in Tabs face.
10. Conversation goes something like this.

Tab: "You wanna do this!!"
Hefty: -no response but looks like he will eat Tabby

11. Staredown continues until bouncers intervene.

I really thought Tabby was gonna throw down with this fat guy. It was so fucking funny. Little Tabby squaring off against this fat dude (who was a very nice guy it turns out - I offered to buy him a drink if he punched Tab) was a sight that I won't be forgetting anytime soon. Just try to picture it. He had that look that he gets when he's drank too much and he just doesn't give a fuck about anything. It's the same look he had when he made out with that tranny several years ago. Granted that Hefty would have squashed our little Tabby, there was no backing down in our drunk russian.

Oh boy, what a night. Gotta run take a duke now. Will write more as the night slowly reveals itself back to me.

It's true. Boris has more free time on his hands than I do. Yaaaaaaaaaay. He likes killing birds and has proven himself a bird hunter time and time again. My high score is 587.6 and now I have found another brainless game to play again. And again.... And again....

Links, links, and yet more links

Yes, I do have alot of free time on my hands. You're welcome for the sites.

If I was gonna prank someone, I would do it with this phone.
Imaginary GF? Next will be imaginary job, imaginary friends, imaginary money. I see the making of a bum here....
Berger's craigslist posting
We can dance when we want to.... More on dancing robots to come in future posts.

Without any further ado, I would like to share with the world the recent coming out of a few friends of mine.

Let me explain.

When two little people (one in stature, the other in IQ) decide to drink more than they can handle, the outcome is never pretty. Add to this equation a blizzard from Bolivia itself and the night can quickly deteriorate into a Burroughs-ian coup.

Look at these two monkeys. The big one looks like he's drooling on his little friend. Are they cuddling? Are they secretly in love? I don't know. But I do care. I care very much.